Amnesty | Book 4

t w e l v e

TERENY
"A divorce? Tereny! Don't you think you're thinking a little too much? Are you even sure that's what you really want?" Antoinette asked me as she slowly rocked Britten to sleep.

"I had some time to think about it and I'm sure that it's what I want." I tell her.

Bruce didn't realize it but he gave me no choice. After being in a house for months without uttering a word to each other, it had finally been brought to my attention that I don't really hear any voices until he's around me. Everything that could possibly go wrong just goes wrong. And I feel I have had enough of trying to make things work when there's nothing that can be worked out. He gave me the room to think about this and I am sure a divorce is what I want.

I've been through so much with Bruce and his family. I've grown to love him, hate him, and care for him and his future very dearly. We've done things to each other that hurt us both. And in the inside, I just felt that divorce was soon to come. And I knew that I had to be the one to let go first or he never will.

I also couldn't shake that I blamed him for me getting raped. If it wasn't for him trying to fight for his dead mistress, I wouldn't have never got raped and I wouldn't be pregnant with my rapist's baby. And I feel all of this could've been avoided if I would've just left Bruce where he was from the beginning.

"Tereny, you sure you're not speaking such a thing because you have so much anger inside?" Antoinette asked me. I shook my head.

"This is something I want. I want to just drop the Golden name and get my name back. I just want all of this to go away. Completely."

"Tereny, just because you're losing his name doesn't necessarily mean you're losing him. You two have kids together. Think of the children." She tried convincing.

"And I am thinking of the children. I have thought about this and I have decided that I'm going to abort this baby."

"WHAT?! Tereny, you can't do that. You know us as a family, we don't believe in abortions. Ana will kill you." Antoinette panicked.

"Why are you acting brand new? We talked about this already. You should've seen it coming. I can't have this baby. That man raped me. I never wanted a baby." I could feel the tears coming but I figured that I had cried long enough. It was time for me to let go and move on. I want my life back. And me being with Bruce, it was hard doing that. I just want things to go back to normal.

"I know we talked about things, but it's just...are you sure aborting is what you want to do? The baby didn't ask to be here." Antoinette shrugged.

"And I didn't ask to be raped." I tell her.

Antoinette sat silently without another word. I felt with that being done, I had made my point across. And there was nothing else she could say to change my mind. My mind was made up and I was going to be making an appointment at the clinic to see about having the procedure done. I just needed it done immediately.

"I just feel you should talk to him before you do something so big like that." Antoinette had finally spoke.

"He wasn't there when it happened. He can't tell me how I should go about things. That's not his place. And besides, it shouldn't matter." I say being a little upset that Antoinette seemed to be talking me out of things.

"I know that...but-"

"Just stop trying to talk me out of this. I know this is something I want. I've been through so much with the Golden family. From arguing with Cheri over Martray, to being setup by Bruce and Cheri both. Being led into harms way was enough for me."

"But I thought you forgave him for what he done. I thought you two were looking pass that. I thought you were giving him a fresh slate."

"Honest to God, I tried and I just can't anymore. I just can't stop thinking about that rape." I shake my head, feeling the tears arise again. "The way that Bruce reacted to me after I left Lazarus. It was like he lost faith in us." The tears that were fighting so hard to come out finally fell. "The way he reacted. Like I was something nasty. He wouldn't touch me. He wouldn't even hold me at night."

"He's probably scarred too, Tereny. Have you thought about what this is doing to him? Just finding out that his wife is pregnant, and not only that, pregnant from her rapist. It's hard. I think you're just being unreasonable."

"No, I'm not. I've had over a month to think about things and I'm doing what's best for me. I'm getting a divorce." I stand to my feet and take Britten from her arms. "I'm leaving." I tell her as I grab Britten's baby bag. "Britney, come on here."

I hold my hand out to her. She was sitting on the floor playing with Cj's toys. She lifted up from the floor and grabbed my hand.

"Tereny..." Antoinette called for me.

I looked around at her and walked to the front door. She sighed.

"Just think about things and how they'll effect people before you do it. That's all I'm saying." She said to me before looking down.

"I already did." I say before I open the door to let me and my children out.

I shouldn't have come to talk to her. I should've just stayed home.

The thing is, I had time to think of things. And I realize that I'm at my worse when I'm around Bruce. I don't start having hallucinations until he's around me. And I've started realizing since we haven't been talking lately, the hallucinations were at an all time minimum and I didn't hear the voices. It was like I was completely free without him.

I felt that if I just got him out of my life completely, my life would go back to normal. Things would be normal again. And I'd do anything just to have things go back that way. Anything.

     If that meant ridding myself of Bruce, then I was going to do it. All I really wanted was to have my life back. Those voices, the pain, the guilt, and the humiliation...I just want it to go away completely.

    My children aren't of age to understand, but one day, they will. They will understand that this was something that I had to do. I was just tired of being hurt and scared.

    So I came up with a plan.

    I figured that I would just pack up me and the kids belongings and move back in with my parents. Bruce can have the house. I mean, it technically is his. I just moved in after we got married. He can have it all. I just want my last name back. And I want to be out of the Golden family.

    For good.