I Used To Always Be The Rejection

Chapter 28

Dedicated to anyone who has had the courage to tell anyone their true feelings.

Chapter 28

Ashlynn POV

In loving memory of Logan Christopher Tylers.  

Leader.

Brother.

Friend.

Those words stood out loud and ugly on the thin sheet of white paper that I was gripping in my hands.  Is this what I wanted to put on his grave?  My grip on the paper tightened, crinkling it a bit.  Finally, I crumpled the paper up and threw it against the wall as hard as I could, just like I had done to the others, but I didn't feel any better.

I slumped down, putting my head in my hands, before curling up into a tight ball.  I didn't know what to write on the grave.  What words could describe how much Logan meant to me?  How he was the only family I had left?  

There were no words in the world that could do that.

A sharp knock on the door distracted me from my jumbled up thoughts and emotions for a moment, and I wearily went to open it.  We were going to be staying at a hotel near the Emeraldjade grounds for a while.  The battle had disturbed everyone, and we were becoming worried.  The rogues and hunters were getting bolder, and that scared me.

Who would be the next to die?

Shaking my head from such depressing thoughts, I opened the door, my eyes darting out to take in a girl in a wheelchair.  Shay.  She had come to the Emeraldjade pack grounds as soon as she had heard about Logan.  I had thought Nick would be with her, but apparently he was on a business trip or something, which greatly surprised me, and seemed suspicious.

Seeing Shay's light blond hair and beautiful hazel eyes, I breathed out a sigh of relief and disappointment, but then stopped.  Who had I been expecting?  No one, I told myself, but my heart told me otherwise.

"Can I come in?" Shay tentatively asked, as I stood there, so wrapped in my own thoughts, almost forgetting that she was there.

"Yeah, of course," I replied, opening the door wider and closing it after Shay wheeled herself in.  

She took in the crumpled pieces of paper littered around the room, and let out a small tiny sigh that I wouldn't even have caught if I hadn't been watching her closely.  "Can't decide what to say?" She questioned.

I shook  my head.  The truth was, all the papers said the same thing.  The same vague and unfeeling words would continue to pop into my head.  Leader.  Brother.  Friend.  They said nothing.  They were nothing.

Shay reached down and gently picked up one of the paper balls, carefully unfolding it, making sure that it didn't rip.  She smoothed it down, and stared at it, her eyes softening and dampening a bit.  I turned my head away.  I had placed a thin and shaky dam in my heart to stop the tsunami that would have fully submerged me.  If Shay started to cry, I was afraid that dam would break.

"It's-" Shay started to say, but I cut her off.

"I know, it's horrible.  It's nothing.  I just... I just don't know why I can't find the right words," I stated, the frustration rolling off me in waves.

Shay slowly shook her head, "That's not what I was going to say.  These words.  They are him.  They are your brother,"

I shook my head, but Shay cut me off before I could say anything, "Ashlynn," She started softly, "There are no words in this entire world that can describe your brother and show how much he meant to you.  To your pack, to everyone around him.