I Used To Always Be The Rejection

Chapter 20

Dedicated to anyone who has ever given someone a second chance before.

A lot of people commented on the previous chapter asking who Colin was, and I just wanted to say that I never ever really ever said who Colin was, though I did mention him a little bit.  It's at the end of Chapter 4, in Xavier's POV.  Hope this helps a bit!!!  :D

Chapter 20

Ashlynn POV

My head spun, and I had to lean on a wall nearby for support.  "You've got to be kidding me," I whispered, more to myself than anyone else as dark memories filled up my head, one particular person's face appearing.  

I tried to shake his face away, but it stayed there, stuck permanently, and I was sure it wouldn't be leaving soon.

"Are you okay?" Nick gently asked me, his whole body giving off the vibe of concern.

"I..." I didn't know what to say.  I couldn't say no.  I couldn't say: No, I'm not okay.  I'm definitely not okay.  In fact, I really want to kill someone right now.

I couldn't say that.  I stared into Nick's eyes that filled up with so much love and worry.  For me.  I knew that if I said that I absolutely disagreed with this decision, he would definitely do something about it.  But I didn't want that.  So what was I supposed to say?  

What could I say?

I turned to look at Colin, who was still in shock at seeing me here.  Yeah, well, I was pretty shocked about this whole thing too, so he wasn't the only one.  

Once upon a time, Colin and I had been friends.  Not best friends, or anything like that.  Just friends.  Someone you could just talk to.  It didn't have to be your deepest darkest secrets, but maybe just a favorite ice cream flavor or the crazy rumors spreading around.

But then again, once upon a time, a lot of things happened.  Everything had been different after the incident with... my parents, and now, things were even more different.  Colin belonged in my past, and that was where I would like him to stay.  But of course, things just had to go wrong.  And now, my past was coming back to me with full force.

I slumped against the wall, a major headache coming on, wincing at all the complicated things running through my mind.  Problem was, how could I say how I felt, if the truth was that I didn't even know what I was feeling right now.  I didn't understand this new feeling in my stomach.  I had felt this feeling before, but I no longer remembered what it was.  

Shaking my head, I did my best to clear my thoughts, which wasn't very successful, though my head was a little bit clearer.  

And that's when it hit me.

How should I feel?  I shouldn't feel anything at all.  The Sunmoon Pack was my past, I had gotten over them.  They no longer meant anything to me.  I wouldn't freak out, or get angry, or sad or whatever.  Why should I care anymore?  That pack wasn't worth my anger or tears.  They weren't worth anything to me.

I felt my whole entire demeanor turning cold, the atmostphere around me almost stilling with the icy air I was giving off.  "Colin," I said curtly, giving him a small nod.

"Ashlynn?" Colin replied, though it sounded more like a question.  He was still staring at me, wide eyed, his mouth open like a gaping fish.

I felt my blood boil at the fact that the person who stood before me had once been my friend.  But he, like everyone else in the Sunmoon pack, had turned on me.  No one had been there when I needed someone.  Everyone had just simply turned their backs on me, only using me as someone they could unleash their anger on.  Someone who they thought wasn't worthy of them.