You Had Me At Hello || z.m.

Confession

"Why did you do that?" Zayn looks at me almost disgusted, while moving towards me.

"Do what?" I answer incredulous.

"Sleep with him. You just...passed to the next one." The smirk on his face is full of blame.

I feel the anger raise inside me; I'm like a volcano ready to erupt.

"How dare you?!" I scan the words, trying to express my frustration, my rage, my pain.

"How dare you tell me who I should date? How dare you talk shit about Harry, when you're the one who's been a dick? How dare you tell me how I should behave???"

"He's not good for you!"

"Who's good for me, Zayn? You?"

He remains speechless, and lowers his head, staring at the ground, shutting his big dark eyes.

"You don't have any right to speak to me like this, Zayn! Not after treating me like you did!!" as I spit out these hateful words my eyes start getting wet. All the emotions I've been keeping inside are being freed trough my shouts.

"..and don't you dare come and tell me that Harry is not good for me, when he's one of the nicest people I've met while you're just..." I stop, biting my tongue.

"You're not my father, you idiot!" I scream in his hideously beautiful face.

Zayn swiftly turns his face up and screams at the top of his lungs. "Of course I'm not, because if I were I would not feel like kissing you every time I think about you!!"

I'm so pissed I could almost jump on him and beat him nastily; but I can't deny that his words hit me deeply.

"Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better? Should I be pleased by what you said, Zayn?? Are you trying to play the role of the victim? Because in this situation you're the only one to blame..."

Zayn turns his eyes away from my red face and takes a look around, as to think about his next words; he's biting his lip nervously, and his leg is shaking.

Then, he turns to face me, locking his hazel eyes on mine. I notice that they're wet, full of tears.

"I'm sorry." He blurts out softly, while a tear rolls down his cheek silently, almost killing me.

I stand there motionless. I know that "I'm sorry" is not enough after what he did. I know he was a jerk and doesn't deserve my forgiveness. But seeing him so fragile, so truly regretful, so broken...my heart is racing, and my thoughts are completely confused.

"You made me feel like shit." I claim lowly, looking into his eyes.

"I know." His gaze is laid on the ground, as if he couldn't find the strength to hold my look.

"I fell for you in the moment I saw you for the first time. And I ended up with a broken heart. So now, forgive if I can't stand your intrusion in my relationship with Harry, but I really have had enough."

Zayn passes his hand on his hair, messing it up, while sniffling and sighing heavily. He has a long stubble, he hasn't shaved for many days, and he looks stressed and tired, also because of the pronounced bags under his eyes. Looks like he's not doing fine these days.

"Are you two dating, for real?" he says with a trembling low voice, pointing with is finger at Harry's flat.

At first, I don't know what to say; I guess It's none of his business. But his big eyes beg me to get an answer, and I can't resist him. I still can't, after all.

I shake my head, and on his face immediately appears an expression of relief. Why does he care so much?

"I wish I could make you forgive me..." he says, rubbing his sad eyes.

I swear I just heard the sound of my heart cracking.

"Why did you do that to me, huh? Why, Zayn?" I shout, anger raising again in my voice.

"I got scared" he replies.

"Oh, that's the most stupid excuse of all time!" I mock him, trying to make my words sound as mean as I can. "You broke my heart because you were scared? Scared of what? Are you going to tell me that you were scared of "falling for me", because this is not a fucking movie, Zayn, this kind of things don't really happen.."

"No, I was scared that I might hurt you."

I raise my eyebrows and glance at him quizzically. "Ironic, isn't it?"

"What I mean is...I-I've never been in love before."

We're a few inches apart, his hands raised as to beg for forgiveness, as to ask for the permission to bring mine and hold them tight. My body is petrified, my fists closed, while my heart races full of anger and sorrow all at once.

"I've only been with some girls that...didn't mean that much to me, ok?"

Zayn's eyes are filled with tears, red and sparkling.

"...Everyone of them was just...sex, or fun...and most of the time I've been a jerk to them. I've cheated on, I've left them, I've been...careless."

He gets closer, finding the strength to brush his palm against my forearm, and his skin is so warm and smooth that I immediately feel the urge to touch him and squeeze him in my arms.

"But you...you were a friend of mine. A real friend. I related to you from the first moment..." a nostalgic smile appears on his lips. "...when we first talked, at my house. You were...sympathetic. You understood what I wanted to say, you laughed at my jokes. I've never met someone...I've never liked a friend of mine, you know?"

He swallows hard and breathes out.

"I've never fallen for a friend of mine."