The Dark Warlock: The Nox Haven Series

Chapter 12: Born This Way

Caddie's POV:

"Don't you have places to be?" I asked.

We had been leaning against the wall for a very long time, not talking, just wallowing in our mistakes. I wish I could have said that it was the worst time of my life and I would have nightmares about my hour alone with him- but it wasn't. He didn't try to cheer me up anymore but he also didn't leave. Originally, I had thought being alone was exactly what I needed. I had thought that I was the only person who had dealt with such catastrophic problems but Roberto, in his own way, understood as well.

"Probably," he causally rolled his shoulders, "But I don't want to be there, so why go?"

"It's your duty," I said but my voice had no conviction. I sounded like a rehearsed politician who didn't believe a word they were saying- I felt that way too.

Roberto barked a laugh, "Yes it is but sometimes it's okay to neglect responsibilities. I'm only eighteen, after all, don't I deserve my time of being a rebellious teenager like everyone else?"

My aunt would have disagreed. She would have told me to ignore him and say that it was people like him that ruined the world. I mean- he did ruin the world. But he was right. We were just kids who were shoved into a crown. We shouldn't be forced into greatness. There were so many other people that dreamed of being hero, like Dmitri. Those kinds of brave people deserved the title, not me and especially not Roberto.

"H-how do you deal with it?" I asked, hesitantly.

I knew he was the bad guy and I shouldn't have asked for advice but he was the one person who could understand. I had Heidi but she was a different case. Aunt Heidi wasn't born a Dark Witch, she was able to go through her awkward phase being completely normal. Even as the Dark Witch, she was so perfect and sophisticated. Death was just a part of life, she would say eloquently while tapping her manicured nails against her desk. I remembered her leaning back in her leather chair, her black eyes cold and calculating. She told me they were yin and yang, it was a balance that the world needed. Maybe it was because of the blend empathetic powers and my own emotions but I could never regard death in such detached manner. Even when killing Dark Ones there would be moments when I wondered about what kind of life that had before the black magic. Some of them must have had loved ones who I was taking them from. That knowledge weighed upon me consistently.

I woke up everyday knowing I was murderer.

"I suspect it could be more difficult," Roberto mused.

Even though we couldn't clearly see each other, I could feel his eyes staring intently at me. I dropped my head, looking at the darkness below me.

His stare didn't falter as he kept talking,"I'm essentially emotionless, I can't feel my own emotions but I can the emotions of others. I'm sure someone filled you in on that already. There are positives to being a heartless, soulless bastard: in the line of war, death does not effect me. And my emotions don't get in the way of my ability to make decisive decisions. But that's a problem at the same time. I'm supposed to make decisions out of the goodness of my heart but my heart is an organ that sends blood through my veins, there is no goodness there. The very people I am bound to protect mean nothing to me. I would basically be a soulless killing machine if not for the influence of other people's emotions and knowing that has never made my life easy."

The saddest part about his explanation was that his voice had lost all animation. The act that he put on for everyone, making them believe he could smile and laugh had disappeared. He actually was nothing. Just a fully-functioning, hollow body. I wondered if my mom had been the same way. The old woman from Castle Böse claimed my mother hadn't been a terrible person, all she wanted was the ability to feel for herself. The way she went about feeling was wrong but she was just trying to be normal. I could understand that. Apparently, wanting to be normal, was hereditary trait.