Kooks (Sequel to Bowie)

6

          I cried on David's shoulder as the doctors took away my baby Maureen, the tubes attached to her face. She was born one month pre-mature and was in danger of dying. David squeezed my hand as I looked at the same pale walls I looked at when Roslyn was born.

          Roslyn-Charlotte settled in fairly quick in our little two bedroom New York apartment. I had finished my sophomore year at Juilliard before Maureen was born. These thoughts brought me to tears again. One baby was being sat by Kayla and the other was very sick.

Once again, David squeezed my hand tightly and slid into bed next to me. I cried, remembering how I saw her. Just in that short time that I saw her and held her. Just in that short time I looked at her and saw that she looked just like me. She naturally had David's perfect lips, but the rest was me. Her sparkling green eyes and brown hair. Her little nose and eye shape.

I breathed in and out with shuddering breaths. I shook as David held me closer. He stroked my hair and I fell asleep, exhausted.

***

All David wanted was a daughter. And when he found out that he would be having two of them in eight months, he was the happiest man alive. He was as upset as I was. The doctors had no idea why I went in to labor early. She was perfectly fine on the ultrasounds. I didn't understand what I did wrong. The doctors said nothing but I didn't believe them.

David said it was his fault and I had no idea what he meant. He told me he smokes and drinks too much.

The days go by in a blur until I was discharged. I was so relieved when I walked into my house and Ros ran into my arms. "Mommy, where's Maureen?" I could feel my face freeze.

"Maureen is sick, baby." I said stroking her hair. "We can see her soon." She hugged me tightly as I picked her up. I lifted her face to mine, she was crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"My b-baby is-s s-s-sick." She wailed.

"Maureen is going to be fine." I said feeling tears prick in my eyes. "She's going to be fine." I cooed her as she put her head on my shoulder and I stroked her hair.

I heard Kayla leave the house as I lay her down on the changing table and start to change her. I turned away and picked out her pajamas. I went through the motions and set her down on the floor, walking to my room. David sat on the window sill, smoking a cigarette out of the window. I glanced quickly at him and walked with my head down to the closet. Roslyn-Charlotte jumped up onto our bed and curled up into a fetal position.

I walked out of the closet and curled up next to my daughter and pulled her close to me. David walked in 30 minutes later, while I was half asleep. I heard him take off his shirt and jeans. He curled up behind me, turned off the light and wrapped his long arms around both of us. He interviewed his fingers in mine and we fell asleep like that.