we make love (and love falls apart)

05. Soft

They'd just finished performing Anything Could Happen and they're all on such a high that even Camila decides to join them at a little party that the remaining contestants are throwing, because she's fairly certain that nothing could ever ruin her mood.

At least until she returns from getting another can of soda and sees Lauren and Keaton kissing.

Even though she knows that she's supposed to bury her feelings for Lauren as deep down as possible, even though she knows that she has no right to be upset, because Lauren isn't hers and she never will be, she still can't stop herself from running out of the room in the hotel that the party is being held in and up to her room, collapsing on her bed in a mess of tears.

"You like her, don't you?"

Camila jumps up at the sound of the voice and her gaze meets Dinah's, not sure how her friend had figured it out. "How do you know?"

Dinah shrugs. "You ran out of the room faster than Usain Bolt when you saw her kissing Keaton."

Camila practically collapses into her best friend's arms. "I don't want to like her. I just- I want to forget about her. At least for tonight."

"Do you want me to get you a drink?" Dinah asks. "I know that there's some beer downstairs. It's not exactly the nicest, though."

Camila lets out a bitter laugh. "I don't care."

So, Dinah leads her back downstairs and gets her a drink, and Camila downs it, regardless of how bad it tastes. Eventually, she's drunk for the first time in her life and she's thrown all of her inhibitions to the wind, which becomes incredibly apparent when she sees Lauren getting herself a glass of water and practically throws herself on the older girl.

"Lolo," Camila wraps her arms around Lauren's waist and smiles. "I missed you."

"Hey, Camz," Lauren sends her a warm smile, "didn't think you'd be the type to get drunk at a party."

"See? I can surprise you," Camila sends her a flirty wink, but she knows it's probably awkward coming from her.

Lauren smiles. "I guess you can."

Camila plays with Lauren's fingers and smiles to herself, and when her brain comes up with possibly the stupidest idea in existence, Camila goes through with it anyway, because she wants to show Lauren how she can be just as good as some boy.

So, she leans in and kisses her. It's only a little peck, but she lingers long enough to show that it's not platonic. "See? Surprise! I think you're beautiful, Lolo. Will you marry me? We can have kittens."

Lauren lets out an awkward laugh and pushes her away slightly, and Camila just pouts. "Um... I'll have to pass, Camz."

Camila frowns even more. "But why? That's dumb. Let's go to Vegas and – what's the word? – elope or something, right? Let's do that. We can get married and have kittens and you'll be my wife and my bandmate and the mother to my kittens."

"Well, one, you're incredibly drunk and you probably mean none of this," Lauren says, frowning when Camila shakes her head and kisses her again. "Also- um, I don't like girls. I'm not- I'm straight. I don't like girls."

Camila feels that stinging pain in her chest, but she's too drunk to care. "Your lips are really soft. Can I kiss you again?"

"Um, no," Lauren shakes her head and quickly moves away from her. "I have to go."

Camila watches after her, fairly certain that she's just had her first heartbreak.