Book Reviews! (CLOSED)

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Novel by Poblol
Genre: Fan Fiction (LGBT+)

Cover: The picture is a bit blurry and the font beneath the title is hard to read. Other than that I really like the cover.

The simplicity of it gives the cover a dark feel to it. If you want a cover you can request in my cover shop. You don't have to though.

Summary: Your summary is really good. It gives us the basic gist of the story which is exactly what needs to be told in the description. The only problem is you seem to have a lot mistakes.

Many people on Wattpad go crazy when it comes to grammar or spelling mistakes and if they see mistakes in just the summary chances are they won't read further into the book.

For instance at the beginning of your description you write, "Calvin or other know on..." that makes the sentence confusing. I recommend writing, "Calvin, better known on..." the rest of the sentence is okay.

Also, you seem to miss adding an 's' on words that need them. The picture below has those words that require an 's' circled. Some like the word he, requires and apostrophe and an 's'. Also you misspelled "abios" it's spelled as abyss.

Characters: Seeing how this is a fan fiction I can't really judge the characters because they are usually portrayed as the actual human the fan fiction is about.

I've never seen Leafy's YouTube channel so I'm not sure if he's actually going through depression. But anyways I like his character. The way you describe everything he's going through is very well portrayed.

Onison's character seems very sweet and also very protruding. he doesn't drop this whole skinny thing and on top of that he also watches Leafy's problem videos.

Plot: The plot for your story is good. All of these problems that your character is going through makes the story seem realistic. All these twists and turns make it original.

I like how you had him accidentally post the wrong video. I really liked the kiss it was a really sweet moment that was portrayed and described really well. Also the transition from sweet to instant hate was shocking.

Grammar: You have a lot of grammar mistakes throughout the story. And the biggest one is you change from present to past tense.

Instead of writing. "They start to care when you put a gun to your temple and shoot that bullet..." You write shot instead of shoot. This can easily confused the reader.

Also you usually write the wrong words.

On chapter two you write "I get this terrible argues to run up the road" when is should say, "I get THESE terrible URGES to run up the road."

(The caps are only there to show you which words you need to re-write)

On chapter 3 you write, "But something the most painful demos are the ones they can't even see." When it should say, "But SOMETIMES the most painful DEMONS are the ones they can't even see."

Extra Info You Might Want to know (not really): On chapter five you said the title reference!!! I really liked that :)

Note from me!

I suggest you go back and read over your story to fix the grammar and spelling mistakes. Or you can find someone to edit the story for you.

Don't stop writing because I actually enjoyed your story and I would easily recommend it.

I

f you have any question feel free to ask, sometimes I can be confusing.

Until next time!!

-Esmer