Book Reviews! (CLOSED)

Friday

Novel by heart-stain
Genre: Mystery/Thriller

Cover: I don't like it. It's not because it's a bad cover because it really isn't, but it just doesn't fit with the book.

The cover you had before was a LOT better than this one. I recommend switching to your old cover because it fits the story better.

Summary:

Your description (located above) is very short. Now I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but when it comes to short descriptions authors tend to try and stuff a lot of information into one small piece which is never good.

You do exactly this. Your description is very rushed it feels as if your throwing facts at me rather then giving me a sneak peek into the book. I recommend writing this instead:

Addison is a deaf-bad girl, but she stands out from all the other cliche rebels because she's not heartless. She has this huge growing love for her brother who holds a special part in her heart.

So when Addison's brother goes missing, she spends night and day looking for him. Trying in vain to find him anywhere, somewhere, and when she finally does...

She wishes she hadn't.

This summary uses all the key details you used but it makes it stand out more :) Of course this is only a suggestion.

Characters: Your characters are pretty normal, they lack originality, BUT (before you get sad) they are portrayed very nicely. Showing the readers (me) the characters individual thoughts really helped me know them better. Which is what you want to happen. You want these readers to get to know these characters as if they are real.

Also they do get a bit confusing. So I don't understand is Addison like literally deaf?

Plot: Your story is confusing. I'm not sure where your going with this, you just have so many unanswered questions. For instance the main characters brother...um what's up with him? I have no backstory to connect him with so I have no idea why their looking for him. You need to make the reader love this brother. You need to make the reader crave to find out what's going to happen, but you lack that anticipation.

One reason is as to why your plot is confusing is the fact that you lack descriptions.

You see descriptions are an author's tool, they are used to pull the reader into this world you've created, by allowing the reader to imagine every detail. You need to work on describing the characters surroundings and the sounds they hear. By adding these simple descriptions your story will become eye catching.

Grammar: Oh boy...hold your horses, rides about to get bumby...

First things first you have large and long paragraphs throughout the story, which is NOT good! Nothing scares readers away more than long paragraphs. It pained me to have to read through them. They are written very well, they're just too long.

The reason you have these long paragraphs is because you don't separate each quote every time someone else speaks. For instance look at the picture below. That's a section removed from your story where it shows the main character talking with her friend Marie in the first chapter.

Each color represents a new paragraph because you switch from one character speaking to the next. The first three colors should be written out like this.

"Your talking to fast, I can't understand what your saying." I said to my friend that was talking about her boyfriend.

"Right sorry." I gave her a slight smile.

"It's fine Marie. Your boyfriend is worse that the principal." I said twirling the lollipop I had, in my hand.

See that's a lot neater and easier on the eyes :) Also make sure that after every comma you put a space. Like this:

I ate an apple, it was good.

You seem to always skip that extra space. Like this:

I ate and apple,it was good.

That doesn't look as good and it can also give the reader a headache. So keep that in mind when you go back to edit.

Another mistakes that seems to occur quite often is sometimes when a character is speaking you forget to add quotation marks. This confused me a lot through t out the story because I had to read and re-read the text in order to understand what was being said.

After yous separate the paragraphs appropriately you will easily be able to know where the missing quotation marks go. :)

Extra Info You Might Want to Know (not really):

The designs you use for your chapter titles are really cute and they makes your story pop out.

Note From Me!!

Your story is okay. I really enjoyed the first five chapters. Just make sure to do the changes instructed and you'll be fine :)

I feel like the only thing you need to work on are those descriptions and your paragraph structure, your actual story is fine.

The real question is, would know recommend this? Yes I actually would, just fix those mistakes :)

Am I being to harsh or a little too nice? Comment your thoughts. Until next time!

-Esmer