Book Reviews! (CLOSED)

Red

Novel by snowgalaxies18
G

enre: Werewolf

Cover: I really like the cover. The images used in it fit the genre perfectly, just looking at it already lets me know that it's going to be about wolfs. The font for the title is perfect, it's simple and easy to read. Overall amazing cover. I do have to say one thing though, the color you used for your name, makes it a bit hard to read. I suggest using a brighter color that way people know it's written by you.

Summary: Your descriptions provides us with the gist of the story which is the goal of a description but the fact that it's written in one paragraph makes it unattractive. Usually readers are instantly turned off when they see huge paragraphs because they don't want to read them. So I suggest you space it out a little, just so it's more eye catching.

Also towards the beginning of the description you write, "Now it's been two years since his last attack that made her and her grandma famous." To me this sentence sounds weird because of the double 'her' that you use, I suggest changing it to: "Now it's been two years since his last attack which made Red and her Grandma famous." It makes the sentence flow smoother.

Characters: NOW ONTO THE PEOPLE!!!

In the first 5 chapters you introduce the reader (me) with five main/semi main characters: Red, Cosmo, Grandma, Gordon, and Lily. As the author your goal is to be able to portray these characters, either by making your readers like them or hate them. I for one did not enjoy your characters. Before you get hurt by my words let me explain my reason.

Your characters aren't described very well. For instance Red, what's up with her, I understand she doesn't like visiting her grandma, but why? Sure she mentions that she does it ALL the time but you need to make the emotion go deeper. Describe how awful it feels to have to get up every morning just to walk to your Grandmas every single day. Make the reader feel her pain and you'll be good to go.

GORDAN: okay this character was thrown into the story very quickly. I wasn't able to detect any sort of personality with him and it's not because he was portrayed in this mysterious way, but mainly because you gave me nothing. I have no idea what to think about him. I recommend explaining how he walks. "Does he walk with a graceful strut, does he walk with confidence, and does he emit strength. Don't just do this with the way he walks, but also from the way he looks at red, the way he talks. You need to be able to show his personality through his actions.

COSMO/LILY/GRANDMA: These characters are only mentioned for a little bit, yet they affect this story greatly. Cosmo seems to like Red. Grandma is well the grandma, obviously, and Lily turns out to be the chief's daughter so she sends Red and Gordon on a quest. These important characters need to make a huge impact on the readers so make sure to describe them more and the way they impact on the characters surrounding them.

Plot: Your story idea is amazing. I really do like it but your plot is really weak. You lack description which sometimes causes your chapter's to become boring and short. Don't worry I myself was (and kinda still am) terrible at descriptions, but I made sure to continue trying to develop them. You should do this as well. I recommend taking a small notebook with you to the mall, or just on a walk.

I want you to write down everything you see. Watch a person and write a small paragraph about them based on their actions. This will help you further improve your descriptions based on actions. Also look around the story or park and write down all the color you see, all the smells you smell, and all the emotions you feel. This was recommended to me by sammaglamma   and it helped me a lot :)

Grammar: You actually don't have that much grammar mistakes. YAY!! These were just a few I managed to catch.

On chapter one when Red is speaking to Cosmo you write her saying, "It's hard having to these things for grandma. I don't mind doing them, but I do there literally every week..." when you should have written, "It's hard having to do these things for grandma. I don't really mid doing them, but having to do them every week gets tiring..."

Also on Chapter Three you write, "Hey, hey," it said in male's voice. He grabbed my wrist too, "That's not a nice thing to do."

Your mistake here is after Gordon says, "Hey, hey," you end it with a comma and then finish his words with, "That's..." the 't' is capitalized and that's wrong. If you end a quote piece with a comma then that means the second quote is connected with the first quote, which means no capital!

Extra Info You Might Want to Know (Not really):

What happened to the chief!? No funeral?

I really like the name Red.

Cosmo's name reminds me of The Fairly Odd Parents

Note from me!

Okay. I know this review was a bit hurtful but I specifically said these reviews were going to be HONEST, so don't get mad, please. Look your story actually has a lot of potential and I'm not just saying that I really do mean it. You just need to add in some descriptions and bam! You'll be perfect. So don't stop writing. : )

Comment what you thought about your review. Feel free to ask me how many more reviews your able to apply for. Peace out guys! :D

-Esmer