Book Reviews! (CLOSED)

The Girl Who Sat Beside Me

Novel by beauty_in_heart
Genre: Teen Fiction

Cover: It's a bit busy. My eyes are trying to find one certain spot to train themselves on but all of those stickers and words makes it really hard to do so.

But.....

I like it. I know I shouldn't because it's just so damn crowded, but I think all that fits the story and the cover itself really well. It all works together, by some miracle, but it still works. So don't change anything it's beautiful the way it is.

Summary (story description):

Okay so a screenshot of your summary is located above and I really like it. It draws the reader to your story and I didn't find any grammar mistakes either, but there is one thing that I believe should be changed. On the stories description you simply have to give the readers something to work with so they'll know what type of story their reading, so theirs no need to describe Eric and Samara.

I suggest removing that first part from your descriptions as you can describe their personalities in the actual book.

Characters: Please do not be offended by what your about to read, this is how I view your characters because they were presented to me in that way. Thank you.

ERIC: He's so infuriating!! Seriously I wanted to punch him for how narcissistic he is! But you described him and his personality very well, all the inner thoughts you had him think added to that huge picture of how I viewed him. Good job.

SAMARA: Hmmm... she's... I don't know. You didn't give me much to work about in the first five chapters. She is very quiet and at times can be rude, but I feel like u can maybe present her in a more descriptive way.

KATE (Katherine): She infuriating!!! But she's depicting wonderfully. You describe her well and you really show her personality well.

Other than that I really liked your characters :)

Plot: There was one HUGE thing that bothered me on Chapter 3. Okay so you had this flashback inside the chapter about that new girl but you wrote the words

FLASHBACK

Before starting it and it bugged the crap out of me! You don't want to do that it ruins the flow of the story! I suggest you italicize the flashback and maybe, just maybe, separate it with some of these things: ~~~~ It'll make it neater.

Also holy Crap!!! Your plot twist on Chapter Four was absolutely shocking!! I even commented on it and I don't comment on the chapters I'm reviewing so you should feel special. These plot twist are what draw the readers into the story so I congratulate you for making a good plot twist at the right time

I like where you story is going and I like the way you have it gradually moving forward. Good job :)

Grammar: Firstly, before I start this section I want to apologize. For what? You make ask. Well I got so involved into your story that I might have, sort of, forgotten to look for grammar mistakes. Hehe... yeah sorry.

I did find two tho! Just cuz they really bothered me. The first mistake was in the Prologue, the screenshot is located below:

Now I want you to train your eyes on the three highlighted sentences. Are you looking at them? Yes. No. Eh whatever I'm moving on.

Anyways the first two sentences use two negative words right by each other. By this I'm referring to the two words, "hadn't got"
Those two words make both sentences sound awful! No offense to you or anything. I suggest changing them to this:

"No one has everything on a silver platter. Nobody has a million problems like I do."

See by completely removing those two words your sentences make more sense :)

Now I want you to look at the 3rd sentence that was highlighted. There's not much to fix on that one, all you have to do is remove the word "got" and you'll be good to go!

Okay now on Chapter Four I found another mistake. Well it's not exactly a mistake... Just look at the screenshot below:

Being the picky reviewer I am, I was mildly bothered by this paragraph. You used the same adjective twice! Using the word angry twice made your sentences sound choppy and unattractive.

I recommend removing the word angry from the last sentence completely and replacing it with "way" that way it'll look like this:

"I had never seen him this way."

It just helps you not sound repetitive :)

Extra info you might want to know (not really):

· Holy shit! (Excuse my French)  I love your writing style!

· Eric grew on me.

Note from me!

I have only one thing to say to you...

KEEP WRITING!!

I mean if you want to :D

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-Esmer