Living on Love

Three

"According to this quiz, you're pregnant," Liz said.

"We don't joke about pregnancy in this house. Every time someone mentions having babies I end up knocked up," Ariana said.

"No you get knocked up because you don't know how to use birth control," Alexa said.

"Who invited you here? Go home."

"I spent eight hours on a plane, I'm staying at least a week."

"Junior, your mother can't see you but I can," Liz said. "Get down," she called into the living room.

"What's he doing?" Ariana asked.

"Climbing the outside rail of the stairs."

"Malcolm, you get your ass down right now before I bust it."

"I can't get down, I'm stuck," Malcolm said.

"Jesus Christ," Ariana said as she stood up from the chair she was sitting in before walking into the living room. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm stuck!"

"No you're not, come back down the same way you got up."

"I can't, my jammies are stuck in the rail."

"Liz, Alexa! I need your help in here."

"What happened?" Alexa asked as they walked into the living room.

"His pajamas are stuck in the railing, I need a spotter in case he falls," she said as she walked up the steps to where Malcolm was.

"I don't wanna fall," Malcolm said.

"Then you shouldn't have climbed up here."

"Don't let me fall Mommy," his voice cracked.

"Hold on tight to the rail."

As Malcolm held onto the rail, Ariana pulled his pants down before picking him up over the banister, pulling the ankles of his pants off of him before resting him on her hip.

"Are we gonna do that anymore?" She asked.

"Probably," Malcolm said.

"The correct answer is 'no'. If you do it again you're gonna get spanked. Don't do it again."

"That was scary."

"I know. Every time you do stuff like that it scares Mommy like it scared you, so stop doing it. Got me?"

"Got you."

Ariana kissed his cheek and set him down. "Go play."

"That kid is something else," Liz said.

"Yeah. I blame his father," she said as she unwedged the pants from the railing and threw them down the hall.

"You used to do stuff like that all the time," Alexa said. "We always got in trouble for climbing banisters and sliding down them."

"Not to mention all the times we got busted for messing around on the catwalks and ropes during 13," Liz said.

"Shush, neither of you are helping."

"Mommy!" Malcolm shouted.

She rolled her eyes as she walked downstairs. "What, Mac?"

"Stella's biting me!"

"Oh dear god," she said, walking towards the play room. "Why did you put your finger in her mouth?"

"Cause she opened it."

"If a shark opens its mouth would you stick your finger in it?"

"No that's stupid."

"So is sticking your finger in your sisters mouth. Stella Joan, let Bubba's finger go right now," Ariana said.

"Ow! Stop it!" Malcolm shouted, raising his hand.

Ariana grabbed his hand. "Don't you dare hit her," she said. She tapped Stella's mouth. "Open your mouth, kid. Don't be a brat."

"She's not letting go Mommy."

"I can see that Mac." Ariana pried her pinky between Stella's lips and pulled Malcolm's finger out of her mouth before picking up the baby girl and tapping her lip. "We don't use this to hurt, Joanie. That's mean."

"Mommy my finger hurts."

"It'll teach you not to put your finger in her mouth anymore though right?" Ariana asked as she bent down and kissed his finger.

"Maybe."

"I forget you're half my kid, you'll never learn."