Living on Love

Eleven

Ariana sighed, leaning back in the chair beside Malcolm's bed. It had been almost two months. Two months since her baby fell down the stairs. Two months since she'd been able to hold him. Two months since she'd been able to hear his laugh. Two months since she'd heard him say he loves her. It was just too long.

"Malcolm..." she whispered. "Please wake up honey... we need you to wake up."

"Ari... he can't hear you," Mac said.

"Yes he can. He just can't respond."

"Can we go talk to Shelby now? She said it was important."

Ariana kissed Malcolm's head. "I'll be right back. I love you." She stood up and walked past Mac, crossing her arms over her stomach.

"Are you okay?" Mac asked.

"I don't feel good."

"What's wrong?"

"I feel sick."

"Are you gonna throw up?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Shelby has a bathroom in her office if you need to get sick."

"I don't wanna throw up, it's gross."

"I know," he said as they stopped at an office and he knocked on the door.

"Come in," Shelby called out.

Mac opened the door and let Ariana walk in first before he closed the door behind him.

"Hey," Shelby said. "So, I need to talk to you about Malcolm."

"Is he alright?" Ariana asked. "He seems fine."

"Unfortunately he's not."

Ariana looked at her for a few seconds before sitting down. "What do you mean?"

"He's not progressing, Ariana."

"But he's not getting worse."

"Yes he is. His vitals drop a little every day."

"So... does that mean he's completely gone?" Mac asked.

"Not completely. Not yet. But he will be. The machines aren't working as much anymore."

"Then fix them," Ariana said.

"It doesn't work like that. He's not doing good. You guys are going to have to make some decisions sooner or later and I would really like to get that figured out by the end of the week."

"So basically you want us to decide to kill our son."

"It's not like that. He's slipping further and further away. His heart beat is getting weaker. His brain activity is slowing. He's deteriorating. I can't tell you whether he's in pain or not, and if he is then he's just suffering."

"I am not unplugging my baby from the only thing keeping him alive," Ariana shook her head. "Absolutely not. I'm not doing it."

"Eventually it won't be up to you. I want you to make that decision yourself. I don't want to be the doctor that is forced to unplug a child because time ran out."

"Well I'm not unplugging him. He's three. It's not his time to die yet. If it was then he wouldn't have lived the fall."

"Can we talk about this at home?" Mac asked.

"Absolutely," Shelby said.

"We should go home and talk then. Come on. Well go say goodbye to him and we'll come see him tomorrow. You've been here for three days, you need to come home tonight. Stella needs you."

Ariana got up silently and pushed past him.

------------------------------------------------------

"Stella, Jesus Christ..." Ariana whispered as she rocked back and forth as the little girl cried. "Calm down honey," she said.

"What's wrong with her?" Mac asked.

"My supply is drying up, she's mad that she's not getting as much as she usually does."

"Already? You nursed Mac until he was almost three."

"I was also pregnant and gave birth in between then."

"Want me to make a bottle?"

"Yeah just in case."

As Mac left the room, Ariana repositioned Stella to lay the opposite direction and let her start nursing again, running her fingers through the baby's hair. "It's just not the same without Bubba here huh?" She asked. "It's a little weird. Too quiet... I'll never get used to the silence."

Stella played with Ariana's necklace, staring at her with large brown eyes.

"You're not gonna remember him. But I'm gonna make sure you know how amazing he was," she whispered. "He's always been so good with you. He tries to blame you for things you can't possibly do but he loves you. He hit a kid at the park for calling you a ginger. He thought it was a bad thing. I mean it might be. You look just like me but you got Daddy's hair so you might look a little ratchet when you get older."

"I think she'll be beautiful," Mac said as he walked into the room with a bottle. "Red hair or not."

"What are we gonna do, Malcolm? I don't wanna lose our baby..." she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder as he sat down.

"We talk. We listen to Shelby. Eventually we'll have to make that decision so we might as well make it now. Like she said she doesn't know if he's in pain or not. If he is then we're just making him suffer to make ourselves feel better. We can't do that to him."

Ariana let out a sob, covering her eyes. "He's my baby..."

"I know... but he'll be okay without us. He's got your grandpa up there to hold him until we can be with him again."

"I want him home..."