Living on Love

Twenty two

"I don't give a fuck what you think right now, Malcolm!" Ariana shouted into her phone as she walked down the street. "We are not keeping it, I can not handle it, why can't you just understand that? Aren't you the mother fucker that told me you wouldn't be upset if I chose to? I bet when you said that you wouldn't take into account of how you felt about it did you?"

"It's not right to do, Ariana, it's fucked up," Mac said.

"Then it's a damn good thing it's not up to you to decide. I'm done talking about it right now. I'm with Liz. I'm hanging up," she said before ending the call and putting the phone in her pocket.

"What the fuck is that about?" Liz asked.

"Stupid shit."

"Like?"

"I dunno if I wanna talk about it."

"I'm your best friend."

Ariana sighed, switching places with Liz and pushing the larger stroller while Liz took over the double. "I'm pregnant."

"Again?"

"Again. And I'm not keeping it. My body can't handle another pregnancy right now. I can't handle another baby right now. I don't want another baby right now. I'm good with the six I've got," she said, reaching over and smacking Stella's hand when she saw her pull at Chelsea's hair. "If you touch her one more time I'm gonna bust your fucking ass, I'm sick of telling you to stop."

"Calm down," Liz said. "Take a breath."

Ariana sighed, running her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry, I'm just stressed out."

"I can tell. Now tell me more about what's going on. What are you gonna do? Why is he mad?"

"I'm getting an abortion. He said it's not fair to him, but when we talked about it last year he said he wouldn't have a problem with it if I decided it's what was best for me. Now he changed his mind."

"It's his baby too. You have to understand that. I'm not saying it's not your right, but think about how he feels."

"I have thought about it. But I'm not going to let him bully me into keeping it. My body can't handle it. I just had three babies less than seven months ago. I mentally cannot handle another baby. Not when I have four infants, a toddler, and a four year old to worry about. That's six kids under five years old. I can't handle seven."

"Chelsea isn't yours."

"She is until Mom gets back. Nonna is still sick. I still don't understand why she couldn't have taken her, she's not my responsibility."

"You know you would have done it regardless."

"Feeling the way I do right now I wouldn't have."

"But back then you had three less babies to worry about."

"Still."

"Still nothing. Your feelings aren't unjustified. You have six little humans that depend on you for everything. That's stressful."

"Welcome to motherhood. You're gonna hate it."

"If I had six kids I absolutely would but I'm only having one."

"That you know of, you're next in line for twins."

"That doesn't mean anything. You don't even have twins in your family and you got fucking triplets."

"Fuck," Stella said.

"Joan!" Ariana said. "No."

"You can't say that word," Liz said.

"I mean even my mom is against the abortion," Ariana said. "And I don't know what to do to make anyone feel any better about it."

"You don't need to make anyone feel better about it. It's your choice."

"I don't even want anymore kids yanno? I'm done. I've given birth five times, I'm good. I'm all babied out. I can't handle another baby when I have four babies already. I need a break. I'm so stressed out right now that I don't even want to be around my own kids and that makes me feel like a horrible mother," her voice cracked.

"Ari... you're an amazing mom," Liz said as they stopped walking. "All moms get stressed. All moms have the moments they don't want to be around their kids. That's a normal thing."

"It shouldn't be normal though Lizzie, and I hate feeling that way because my issues aren't their fault, they don't know what's going on. They just know that mommy is in a bad mood all the time and doesn't want anything to do with them," she sobbed.

Liz pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. "I think you need to see a therapist. I really think you might have post partum depression, hon..."

"I don't hate my babies but... I can't stand my kids."

"I can't stand them either, the oldest two are brats from outer space."