Living on Love

Twenty Three

"You're too far along for an abortion," the ultrasound tech said.

"What?" Ariana asked in shock. "But... how? How far along am I?"

"You're almost six months in."

"What?"

"Six months. Past four and a half we can't do abortions. The baby has a heartbeat."

"This baby has had a heartbeat since it was conceived."

"It's more prominent. And it's developing into a baby."

"It's also been doing that since it was conceived. I don't want this baby. I can't handle this baby. I need an abortion."

"I'm sorry Miss Grande. We simply can't do it is based on how far along you are."

"I didn't even know i was this far along, I thought i just wasn't losing the baby weight from my triplets."

"Well, i can announce that it's definitely only one baby this time."

Ariana sighed. "Looks like i'm stuck..."

———————————————————————
"Here's a picture of your son," Ariana said as she tossed an ultrasound picture to Mac. "I couldn't get the abortion. I'm too fucking far along."

"What? You can't be. You just found out you're pregnant."

"I'm almost six months."

"We had sex that close after having the triplets?"

"Apparently."

"So... what are we gonna do?"

"Keep it? That's all we can do Malcolm."

"You don't want it though."

"Oh now you care what i want? It's not about you this time?"

"Ari, it's a baby."

"And you told me you wouldn't have a problem with me having an abortion because it was ultimately my decision."

"I didn't say i would like it!"

"I can't even stand the million kids we have right now! I can not handle another baby! I need a fucking break!"

"Then get your tubes tied!"

"I'm getting a hysterectomy! I mean it, this is the last baby we're having. I'm done. I didn't want this many kids. I wanted one. I wanted Stella."

"So you never wanted Mac."

"No! I didn't! I ruined my career getting pregnant with Mac! I never wanted to get pregnant! I didn't plan him! I wanted Stella, I didn't want all these other kids, and I especially didn't want to be raising my little sister!"

"You love all of the kids and you know that."

"Loving them and wanting them are two different things!"

"Mommy..." Junior said from the doorway.

Ariana turned around and looked at him for a few seconds. "What's the matter baby?"

"You don't love me?"

"What? I love you."

"How come you don't want me no more?"

Ariana sighed and ran her hand through her hair before walking over to Junior and picking him up as she made her way to his room. She laid him down on his bed before getting in with him. "I do love you."

"But you don't want me."

"I didn't want a baby when I got pregnant with you."

"It's the same thing."

"I wish you were older and could understand what all of this means... but i love you and your brothers and your sisters more than anything."

"Then how come you don't want us no more?"

"It gets hard, baby... it gets really hard. You're too little to understand what Mommy and Daddy go through."

"Is it bad enough that you wanna get rid of all of us?"

"No, baby," she said as she kissed his head. "Even though I didn't want a baby yet when i had you, i can't imagine my life without you. You're the one that changed my entire life."

"I'm sorry, mommy..."

"I'm not. i didn't mean to make it sound like i don't want you. I just meant that sometimes, being a mommy is really hard on mommy. it's hard on mommy's body and on mommy's mind. being a mommy is a really big job and sometimes mommy isn't a very good mommy."

"well i think you're the best mommy. You always make my tummy feel better and you make me feel safe when it storms."

"I'm sorry i hurt your feelings. Mommy's really upset and I say things I don't really mean when I'm upset."

"Why are you upset?"

"Because I'm having another baby."

"But I thought that's a good thing."

"Normally it would be, but Mommy has had four babies in the last two years. It's really bad for my body to keep having babies so close together."

"Well i know how to stop that."

"Oh do you? And how do we stop it?"

"Just stop having sex, silly."