Living on Love

thirty four

"malcolm james, where's your father?" ariana asked as she walked into the house.

"he was in the basement last i saw. he was knocked out so i just let him be," junior said. "why?"

"there's a fucking dent in my car," she said making her way to the basement. "malcolm wake the fuck up."

when she didn't get an answer she walked over to him with a sigh and flicked his ear. "hello. get up. i have a bone to pick with you," she said. she knelt beside the chair he was in, slumped over the desk asleep and she shook him. "mac. there is a dent in my car, what did you do?"

she sighed and kissed his cheek but immediately pulled away. "oh my god you're freezing," she said as she ran her fingers over his face. "malcolm, wake up babe."

when he still didn't wake up she knew something was wrong. she shook him again. "baby..." she placed her fingers on his neck and got closer to his face to feel any breathing and she immediately sobbed. "oh god... oh fuck... malcolm! get down here right now!" she yelled.

as junior got to the basement he walked down the steps. "i didn't touch your car i promise," he said.

"call an ambulance."

"what's wrong?"

"he's dead, he's not breathing."

"that doesn't mean he's dead," he said as he rushed over and sat mac up. "i need him on the ground."

ariana sobbed and ran her hands over her face.

junior got mac on the floor and checked his breathing, shaking his head. "nothing," he said as he got his phone out of his pocket and dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"my dad seems to be dead, he doesn't have a heart beat, he's not breathing and he's cold," he said.

"what's your address?"

"87201 bridgewater boulevard. i need two ambulances, my moms hyperventilating. mom, calm down," mac said as ariana sobbed.

"i'm dispatching ambulances right now. what's your name?"

"malcolm mccormick. should i do cpr? i'm pretty sure he's dead."

"go ahead and start it, the paramedics will call time of death. would you like me to stay on the phone with you?"

"no thanks i got it."

"ambulances are on their way. call back if anything changes."

junior hung up and started pumping at macs chest, watching his face for any changes.

"please wake up," ariana sobbed, her fingers running through macs hair. "please wake up, open your eyes, please."

"mom he's dead, he's not waking up," junior said.

"you can't leave me like this, open your fucking eyes!"

"mom!" junior shouted.

ariana sobbed, rocking back and forth on her knees for a few seconds before looking around the room. "where is it? where is it you son of a bitch," she muttered.

"what are you looking for?"

"the pipe. the bag. the needle."

"how do you know it's drugs?"

"i know your father. i had to deal with it every day for years, i know what he did," ariana said as she stood up and walked around the room, opening drawers and rummaging through them. "where are the other kids?"

"school," junior said as he continued cpr.

ariana walked back over to mac and junior, tilting macs head up to look at his nose.

"what are you doing?"

"looking to see what he took," she said as she pulled his sleeves up. when she saw dried up blood on his arm, she let out a frustrated growl, punching macs leg. "fucking idiot!"

"stop!"

"shut the fuck up! he's dead, why are you doing cpr?"

"dispatch told me to!"

"fuck, why are you so stupid?" ariana said as she sobbed again, resting her forehead against macs. "please wake up..."

"he's dead mom."

"shut up! i know! i know he's dead, shut up!"

"well jesus christ, stop!"

"you don't get to tell me to stop! when you spend twenty fucking years with someone and then find them dead, you don't just stop!"

"is there a malcolm mccormick in this house?" a voice asked from upstairs.

"in the basement!" junior called out.

just seconds later, several paramedics walked down the stairs with a stretcher.

"do we have any idea on what happened?" a medic asked.

"heroine," ariana said as she sniffled.

"you don't know that!" junior snapped.

"look at his fucking arm! he shot up! this was a daily occurrence when we were growing up, i know what he did!"

"no you don't! god, you're such a bitch, you were always bitching at him about shit!"

"hey, that's enough," the medic said. "don't talk to your mom like that. i need to confirm death, if you wouldn't mind stepping away a little."

junior moved back while ariana stayed at macs head, her forehead resting against his.

"oh my god mom why can't you listen to simple direction, move," junior said.

"she's fine. i was talking to you," the medic said as he got out a stethoscope.

"please wake up malcolm," ariana whispered. "please..."

"i'm so sorry ma'am. he's gone."

"please..."

"time of death, 9:52 am."

ariana let out a rack of sobs, her hands gripping macs hoodie. "please wake up!"

"mom, he's fucking dead," junior said.

"let her have her moment, son," the medic said.

"why!" ariana snapped as she sat up. "why would you do this! we have babies! seven babies! we need you! i need you! please don't do this, don't leave me... please come back, baby," she sobbed.

"mommy, he's gone," junior said.

"please..."