can we be complete again ( sequel to can we learn to love again)

ch2

ch2

"Toby" i call out and he comes running down the stairs with two bags in hands. I look at my two gry suitcases and a box filled with kitchen equipment and shigh wondering what i'm going to do, should i just say here wear i'm safe but alone or do i go hame wear the dark past could creep up on me.

"Ready mum" toby asks sensing my hesitation i hear the sound of a carriage pull up into the drive. I pick up a my backs and take a deep breath.

"As i'll ever be, come on then let's go home" i reply toby nods and i walk outside. I turn around and lock the door feeling the sun hitting my dark green dress. We load our things into a carriage and get in a half hour into the drive toby falls asleep on my lap i stroke his hair lovingly as i rest my head on the window. I know sweeny says he loves me but can he really after everything we've been through, and how can you hurt someone you love. I place my hand over my belly i want this child to know its father, even if we aren't married. I can only think of what my neighbors will say once i start showing, oh god the reticule. Im already known as the town slut from the months after albert died and benjamin was taken away. I was so lonely and i wanted to feel something anything to feel alive again, i was so dead inside. And of course it didn't help much then my business went down hill till sweeney returned. The carriage jolts to a stop and i look outside to see the shop and sweeney waiting in the doorway. He comes up to the carriage and opens the door for me i step out and fleet street is still the same dull gray dreary place it was when i left. Sweeney and toby bring the bags inside.

"It looks so bare i here.. I never did like a bare room" i state unpacking some of the things i took with me. I notice some of the books aren't where i left them on the shelves and i can't help but wonder how they got there, i don't think too much of it i putting things back in order and i can sense sweeney standing in the doorway watching me. I shifted awkwardly under his gaze with my back to him.

"Mr T if you're going to just stand there you might as well help" i say not looking at him, i wish he would just go back up to his shop and let me be for a while. We start putting things away books and some of the little nicknacks i took with me, once we have the parlor back in place we go to the kitchen and start setting it up not saying a word. We both reach in the box at the same time and are ands touch for a moment his fingers grazing mine ever so gently. I pull my hand away quickly grabbing a rag i start to wipe the counters.

"Mum i put all my things away can i go tell my friends i'm back" toby say bouncing into the room breaking the silence.

" go ahead just be back before it gets dark" i reply and toby leaves the bell on the door chiming as he does so. For a moment i want him to stay so i don't have to be alone with sweeney but i let him go.

"Well i think that's enough for today i'm going to have a little nap" i say not being able to stand the silence anymore sweeney stands there for a moment just looking at me he inches closer until he takes my hand in his just the smallest amount of contact makes my heart race i slowly pull my hand away from him slowly and turn away from him placing my hands on the countertop for support. He stands there for a moment before leaving and i let out a deep shaky breath. I don't know how to act around him. Oh i still love him but it's not just myself i have to think about anymore. Toby comes home for dinner and the two of us eat sweeney never comes down so i make him a tray and decide to bring it up to him, i would send toby to do it but who knows what type of mood Mr Todd will be in.

"Mr Todd i have some dinner for ya" i say carefully walking into his shop i gasp a little when i see it his shaving toles are strewn about and the furniture is all tipped over i see sweney head in his hands in his chair.

"What the hell happened in here" i ask setting his tray down on the trunk against the wall and walking a bit closer to him. He looks up from the ground confused for a moment but then his eyes travel around the room.

"Mr T" i prod as he looks around not saying a word his eyes flick to the floor then back to me his expression nervous and sad.

"It's been like that since.. Since you left" he replied in an almost whisper and i shake my head slowly at him taking a step away from him as i walk to the door.

"Never mind will get it all sorted out tomorrow, eat your dinner" i say not knowing what else to do i feel so guilty for causing him that type of pain even if it's his fault in the first place but i never knew i had such an impact on him.

" Mrs Lovett" he says just as i am about to walk out the door. it seems in are sudon time apart and distance we've reverted back to calling each other by are formal names.

"Thank you" he states when i turn around to look at him. I can see in his eves a longingness, i'm not sure for what to be with possibly but i can never tell with him the first night he almost killed me i saw the cleare rage in his eyes but i was naive anufe unuf to believe in my childish fantasies.

"Your welcome" i reply and i walk back down to my shop. Thank you for what i wonder. For coming back for helping him. He's so vague and cryptic i can never tell with him. I sit on my bed in my room reading a book it does feel nice to be home again a certain familiarity and comfort but there are so many horrifying memories, to many.

" dam it eleanor what are we going to do" albert yells pushing me out of the way in are bedroom, his dark beady eyes to the ground as he walks the floor.

"I don't know dear the pies aren't selling like the use to maybe if we..." my sentence is cut short by a hard slap to my face that sends my side colliding with the dressing table. I fell a sharp pain in my side.

"It's your damn fault the pies aren't sell you useless good for nothing bitch" he spits at me holding his hand to my neck i try fighting him off but it's no use he lets me go and leaves slamming the door behind him probably to go out drinking. I pick myself off the floor wiping the tears from my eyes. Business has been bad and he's worried about money and paying the bills we would have more money if he didn't spend it all on alcohol.

I blink coming back into the present i glance over at that same dressing table. God i must just have terrible taste in men. Between albert and the few times sweeney almost killed me. The difference is albert would never kill me he needs me but sweeney, he's almost killed me twice and threatened a few times in between them. Like when he almost had the judge but anthony got in the way he pressed me against the wall and had his raisor to my neck in his chair but he didn't do anything. I stop my dark thoughts and turn off the lights and go to sleep.