5SOS BoyXBoy Oneshots // Requests Open :)

YOU CAN'T SAVE ME - Cashton

Trigger warning
depression, self harm, attempted suicide, schizophrenia, anxiety

Calum was sitting in the corner of the dressing room. 5 Seconds of Summer was currently doing their European leg of Sound Live Feels Live and the everyone seemed to have a blast.

Well... Everyone except for Calum.

Calum was always the quiet one, the laid back kinda guy. He was always more closed off and didn't do much talking so no one really noticed the changes Calum went through during the last month. Calum never had much self esteem and there had always been some fans calling him fat or telling him he sucked at bass. But right now, Calum just had so much on his plate that tiny things like those tripped him up.

More and more often he found himself standing in front of the mirror in his hotel room just in his boxers. There were many words tumbling around in his head, ugly, fat, talentless, useless only a few of them and by far not the worst.

Until one evening, the stress got too much and he had to find another way to let the burning feeling of depression out of his system. He found himself sitting on the bathroom floor with a red wrist, blood dripping on the cold stone tiles from several cuts on his arms forming an oddly fascinating contrast of deep red and white.

That happened four months ago. And hell, he was far from getting better, but everyone was so caught up with their own problems that nobody took a closer look on the unusually tired maori boy. Sometimes there are just those situations in life where everything is so messy that even the biggest red flags are overseen by everyone.

Calum was getting worse by the day.

He had somewhat stopped eating regularly about six weeks ago and was now close to being skin and bones. Michael had tried to talk about that to him, since they both shared a dressing room most of the time, but Calum blocked it off and had made an excuse about some fake allergic reaction he had to certain foods and how he was currently testing his waters and couldn't really eat most of the food right now. But that he was doing fine and being healthy.

So Calum kept up his self destructive behavior. It gave him a weird but amazing feeling of relieve and control that soon got so addicting that he was craving it in the daily hectic of being in a band and on tour.

Calum was currently sitting in the corner of the dressing room, quietly tuning his bass. Thoughts kept flowing through his mind as he moved his fingers on the strings.

Michael was on his phone and Luke was making out with his girlfriend on the couch. Ashton was trying to fix his wild curls while singing along to whatever Nickleback song was blasting on full volume.

Michael had contemplated whether or not to go over and talk to him, but he decided against it since all of their recent talks had ended in Calum shutting him out completely. And as much as Michael loved Calum, he had his own problems to take care of and all of them were on the edge and in desperate need of a break right now.

"Boys, you are on in 10!," their stage manager yelled.

Calum collected all of his strength and with a fake smile plastered on his face, he made his way to the stage together with the other boys.

During his solo in If You Don't Know Calum messed up the lyrics.

He also messed up his bass playing in several songs.

Ashton kept giving him worried glances and Calum kept ignoring them. It was bothering him how much Ashton worried about him lately. He was scared Ashton would find out about Calums doings and get hurt by doing so, and Calum didn't want to hurt Ashton. He cared too much about him, had always liked Ashton a weirdly bit more than the rest of the band. He loved all of the boys, no question, but soon after founding the band, something in the love for Ashton had changed and Calum didn't want it to be true so he stuck to ignoring it.