A Candle in the Darkness (A Dragon Age: Inquisition fanfiction)

Sister Leliana's Report

25 Harvestmere, 9:41

Antonia kept up a running pep talk for herself all the way through the inside of the keep. Silently, of course—she didn't want it getting around that the Herald of Andraste talked to herself. But sometimes, there was no one more knowledgeable about the situation.

"You've waited long enough," one side said.

"He's still trying to get a handle on his issues with the lyrium, and what if you're wrong and he's not interested?" said the other.

"Please," said the first. "Of course he's interested."

The first side was silent on the subject of the lyrium, and neither side particularly wanted to broach that topic with Cullen. Especially when there were so many other topics she wanted to discuss with him, chief of which was how much she wanted—needed, really—to tell him how she felt. How many months had it been of trying not to stare at him at meals and in the War Room, of trying not to think of him when she went to bed at night, of trying not to replay in her head everything he had said to her that day? 'Too many' seemed like a reasonable answer. It was distracting, was what it was, and they could not afford for the Inquisitor to be distracted. Or so she told herself, and both sides seemed to accept that argument.

"Right, then," she muttered, opening the door and stepping out into the sunshine. His office was right upstairs, and this was really happening.

It helped that he smiled when she came in. "This is a surprise. What can I do for you, Inquisitor?"

It did not help that there were two soldiers and three of Leliana's operatives in the room, some looking at books and maps and two having a quiet discussion in a corner.

"I ... did have something I wanted to talk to you about, but— Could we speak alone?"

"Alone?" he said, clearly a bit flustered by the suggestion. Standing up, he glanced toward the door. "Of course. Shall we ... walk?"

They moved along to a more distant part of the battlements that was usually clear this time of day. Antonia kept trying to nerve herself up to say what she had come to say, but it was difficult to do. She kept telling herself they weren't quite alone yet.

Cullen glanced at her several times, waiting for her to speak, rubbing his neck in the way he had when he was nervous. Finally, he said, "It's a ... nice day."

"What?"

"It's ..." He evidently decided to give up on the small talk. "There was something you wished to discuss."

There was really no way to do this but straight on. "Cullen, you must know how I feel about you."

Cullen blinked, looking away over the mountains surrounding Skyhold. "Do I?"

"Perhaps I've been more subtle than I thought." Antonia frowned. Despite all the times she had considered making this move, she was still shy about coming right out and being blunt about it. "I— I want to be with you."

He took a deep breath. "I ... can't say I haven't wondered what it would be like."

Well, that was promising. She turned to face him. "What's stopping you?"

"You're the Inquisitor. We're at war! And you ..." He shook his head, but he was hovering very near her, his eyes on hers as though she might disappear if he looked away. "I didn't think it was possible."

"And yet I'm still here," Antonia said. She leaned back against the wall, her heart pounding, as Cullen moved closer. Much closer, until she could feel the heat of his body against her.