A Candle in the Darkness (A Dragon Age: Inquisition fanfiction)

Just Sodding Stay Fixed

28 Solace, 9:44

Antonia came awake slowly, as though she were swimming through a pile of blankets over her head, warm and dark and soft.

Blinking in the dim room, she found Phoenix tucked against her side in the bed, and Cullen on her other side, holding her hand. At the door, she could see the familiar giant bulk of the Iron Bull. A tension eased in him when he saw her eyes open, and Antonia felt a chill. If he was so relieved he couldn't hide the emotion, he must have been very concerned about her.

She looked at Cullen, who gripped her hand more tightly, his face showing the strain of his worry. "There you are," he said softly.

"Was I gone?"

The Iron Bull said, "You've been out for a few hours, boss."

Her hand moved to cover her stomach. The baby wasn't far enough along that she could feel it yet. Her eyes flew to Cullen's face, and he smiled wearily. "Dorian thinks the baby's probably fine." He looked at the Iron Bull, giving a small nod, and the Qunari left the room. "Are you feeling up to company, love? We've got a bit of a situation, and we need you at the top of your game."

Antonia shifted in the bed, sitting up. Phoenix whined at her inquiringly, and she gave him a reassuring pat on the head. The other mabari, the new one, got up and came to the side of the bed, looking up at her, his eyes intelligent and concerned. "Yes," she said to all three of them, "I think I'm fine."

"Good."

The others were trooping in—the Iron Bull, Dorian, Varric, Cassandra, Josephine, and Leliana. After they had all expressed their relief at seeing Antonia sitting up and looking well, they got right into it.

"While you were in the eluvian, we found more barrels of gaatlok here in the Winter Palace," Cullen began.

"A worryingly large number," Leliana added. "And my—" She caught herself and smiled at the Iron Bull. "The Inquisition's agents across Thedas report they've found barrels strategically placed in Val Royeaux and across the Free Marches."

Dorian shook his head, looking drawn and tense. "The Qunari could destroy noble houses across the known world with a single order."

Josephine sighed. "The only bright side is that once the ambassadors learn of this, they will suddenly remember the Inquisition's value."

"They'll trip over their tongues trying to tell us what a trusted fucking resource we are." The Iron Bull snorted. "Hypocrites."

"We can't all have your refreshing directness," Dorian said, offering his ex-lover a smile.

Leliana's mouth turned down at the corners. "It's an optimistic view, Josie, but I'm afraid too much so. Because the rest of the Council will also no doubt discover what I have—that the Inquisition is responsible for the threat."

"The gaatlok came in through us?" Antonia asked, shocked.

"Shit." The Iron Bull turned his face to the wall, and she could sense the guilt and self-condemnation going through him.

"How did this happen, damn it?" Cullen demanded.

Leliana looked at the back of the Qunari sorrowfully. "The elven servant handling the barrels was working for the Qunari."

"The servant was Orlesian." Cullen frowned. "Surely that reflects poorly on Orlais, not on us?"

"The barrels arrived at the Winter Palace on the Inquisition's supply manifest."

Cullen shook his head. "How are we supposed to fight a war when we can't even trust our own people?"

"You're supposed to have a spymaster who knows what the fuck he's doing," the Iron Bull said, his voice low and savage. "You can have my resignation—or my head on a pike, whichever you prefer."

Leliana went to him, laying a gloved hand on his arm. "This could have happened to anyone."

"You don't believe that."

"I do. I believe some of the people responsible were chosen by me; you would have had no reason to suspect them."

"I'm supposed to suspect everyone."

"Enough!" Antonia snapped. They were going to lose him if someone didn't do something. "Iron Bull, you feel guilty on your own time. For right now, you're still working for me—figure out how to fix this."

As she had hoped, the sternness worked; he turned to face her, his shoulders straightening. "Whatever you say, boss."

"You and Leliana work together to figure out how this happened and prevent it from happening again."

"I know that they were elves, Inquisitor," Leliana said. "And they have gone missing. As have a number of the elven servants from the Winter Palace."

"Sera said the elves were too happy; no one complaining about the nobles," Cullen said.

Varric chuckled. "She's got her own way of looking at the world, that girl, but she's not wrong."

"No, she wasn't. I wish I had ... done more. Seen something." Cullen sighed.

Antonia swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing up to face them all. "We can't prevent everything those bent on evil will do; all we can do is stop it before it gets too far. The Inquisition stopped Corypheus and saved the world once. We can do it again if we must."

Josephine shook her head. "We will have to act quickly. Orlais and Ferelden are so angry about the way this Exalted Council has gone that they are planning to dismantle us as we speak."

Before Antonia could respond to the Ambassador, her hand flared, the pain stabbing up her arm and into her body, and she doubled over, crying out in pain. Cullen scrambled across the bed toward her and Dorian hurried to the other side, cradling her hand in his.

"I can't do anything," he said to Cullen over her head. "If it gets any worse ..."

Antonia gritted her teeth, using all her strength to stand up straight. "Damn it!" she shouted. "We save Ferelden, and they're angry. We save Orlais, and they're angry. We close the Breach twice, and my own fucking hand wants to kill me! Could one thing in this whole damned world just sodding stay fixed?"

The Iron Bull roared with laughter. "You tell 'em, boss."

Looking up into Cullen's face, the last thing in the world Antonia wanted was to tell him what she had to do ... but she had to, and there was no way around it. "I have to go after the viddasala. I have to stop the Qunari—before it's too late."

"No. You already almost got yourself killed. You and ... No. I can't let you go." His arms went around her, holding on tightly. "I can't."

The others were silent, and at last he released her and stepped back.

"But I have to, don't I?" He blinked, and Antonia could see tears in his eyes. "After this—after this ..." His voice broke.

Antonia put a hand on his arm, and he put his over it.

"Would you like me to inform the Exalted Council of the danger?" Josephine said softly.

"Yes. If we ... if we fail, the Exalted Council needs to know what happened." Antonia pressed her face against Cullen's shoulder. "Leliana, can you continue working here in Bull's stead? I'm going to need him with me."

"Of course, Inquisitor."

The Iron Bull nodded. "I won't let you down, boss. That's a promise."

She reached for Dorian's hand, not even having to ask, grateful for his support. "Varric, you'll support Josephine?"

"You got it, Herald."

"Good. Now ... can you all give us a moment, please?"

They all filed from the room, and Antonia held Cullen while he wept.