I'm Not Ok, I Promise. (A Zane~Chan FF)

1.6

Zane felt a weird feeling of relief, now that Garroth was back. He hadn't told Vylad about what happened with Chloe and Kawaii~Chan and he wasn't planning to. Zane didn't know about Garroth, it was weird, but he didn't know if he could trust him completely, maybe he would take Zane opening up as a sign of peace? Maybe it wouldn't be horrible to tell Garroth about it all?

Zane glared over at the lamp next to the bed. He was back to no sleep, the insomnia had hit him like a ton of bricks. One thing in particular had been interrupting Zane's sleep: How would he tell his parents that Chloe and Kawaii~Chan were out if his life?

He was ashamed that he was too proud to tell them, or tell anyone for that sake.
On the other side, how was he gonna clean up this mess?

Zane had half-planned that he would go to Kawaii~Chan's house to tell her sorry, but no matter how much he prepared, it all just seemed to crumble apart, right between his fingers.

He turned around on his back and looked up the ceiling. It was filled with star stickers, who lit up in the dark. Zane remembered when they were put up, he was only a child at that time. Time had been going way too fast.

He just wished he could have spend more time with her. Made her feel like he really was there for her, then maybe this wouldn't have happened, then maybe he wouldn't have been  so nervous and rejected her like that.

Zane felt that his life was at it's lowest, but at least he had his brothers now.  

Suddenly he heard a awful high pitched creek, no, that high pitched creek, the one that came when Garroth's door opened, guess he was struggling with insomnia too, or maybe he was sleep walking? 

Zane swung his legs over the edge and stood on the cold wooden floor. He slowly moved towards the door, he pressed the door knob and the darkness from the hall hit him in the face. 

His hand reached for the light switch and the room lit up, no Garroth.
Zane slowly started climbing down the narrow staircase. 

The living room was dark and empty, only a little light came from the kitchen. It was almost scary, every sound he made seemed to ring in his ears like high-pitched screams.

"Garroth?" He whispered as he reached the kitchen.

"Baby brother! Did I wake you up?" He asked and placed the pudding on the table. 

"No, no" Zane said a little flustered. 

"Good, do you wanna share the pudding with me?" He asked and held out a silver spoon. Zane could see his face reflected in the silver, he looked tired and sad. He felt ashamed, but slowly reached out for the spoon anyway, his brother was smiling at him, maybe it would make everything better if he just told him everything?

"So, what's keeping you awake?" He asked and dug in.

Zane hesitated, he liked his secret where he had it. What if his brother did something crazy, like trying to help him.

But Zane felt weak and and hopeless and tired and he gave in. For the second time that day, he told the story of how he had gotten friends and lost them again.

"Baby brother," his brother looked like he was about to cry. "I'm so proud of you." Definitely not what Zane had expected. 

"How can you be proud of me, I ran from her, I was a coward," Zane said, it felt weird to say out loud. It had lived inside him, inside his thoughts, but now it was out.

"Zane, you are my brother, of course I'm proud of you!" Garroth hugged Zane awkwardly and squeezed him so hard that Zane couldn't breath. He didn't deserve all of these hugs, he didn't deserve all of this love. He was the one screwing up.

"What should I do?" Zane asked. 

"What do you want to do?" His brother asked and tilted his head like a dog. All Zane wanted to do was hide in his room, until he eventually died of starvation.

"Don't worry, I happen to know Kawaii~Chan and if you say sorry to her, she'll forgive you!" His brother clapped him on the shoulder.

That night Zane didn't sleep. He kept picturing in his head how he ran from her, how he left her standing there on her own.

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