NOTHING GIRL || Remus Lupin

-Four: Inside Your Head-

The day James is out of ideas is the day the world comes to an end. You have that in common at least, though if I ever find James quoting random YA novels flawlessly in the middle of a conversation, I'd check to make sure no one had raided Professor Slughorn's stock to make a Polyjuice Potion of the Gryffindor seeker recently. I've heard that You-Know-Who is back, but I'm more worried about what made him disappear in the first place. What's he planning? I don't think even Dumbledore knows, and Merlin does that guy seem to know everything. The other day he casually dropped in to my lesson to say that speaking to 'certain random strangers' on 'certain fifth floor corridors' was extremely unwise as other 'certain teachers' with particularly foul tempers and walking sticks made a habit of walking 'certain roots' that may or may not include the hypothetical corridors at precisely ten thirty every night. And he was looking right at me. I don't-

"Remus" An impatient female voice cut through Remus' thoughts as he tried, for the sixth time that night, to articulate the sheer bizarrety of the headmaster's arrival in his Charms class onto paper. He glanced up to see Lilly Evans watching him as he crossed out line after line. "I need your help." She said, eyes pleading.

This, Remus thought, was his cue to point out that James, sitting on the other side of the common room, was perfectly good at his school subjects even if he acted otherwise, and any homework advice could be sent in his direction. However, upon closer examination of Lilly's face, Remus could see the stress marks hiding behind the concealer around her eyes, and the tight set of her mouth. The last thing she needed right now was to be bounced off to another person or turned away. He frowned at her, concern lacing it's way into his voice. "What's up?"

Lilly gave a sigh as she ran one hand through her auburn hair and collapsed into the seat across from him. "It's just this whole You-Know-Who thing. It's got Severus acting all weird, and I would talk to James about it except you know how he is about Severus, and Marlene's the same and Sirius will just fight James' corner and Peter will just parrot back whatever James and Sirius say to him. So I thought of talking to you but now I'm here and I realise you're probably working on something actually important and I'm probably being stupid and you'll just tell me I should have left Severus in the dust years ago and I know I should except he was my first real friend here and I feel like a traitor for leaving him behind and I'm sorry I'll go now." It all came out in a rush of words and emotions. Lilly took a deep breath to compensate for the lack of oxygen she had taken in during her speech. She started to stand but Remus stopped her with a gesture of his hand. She fell back into her armchair, relief evident on her face. His frown had deepened.

"Is this because Snape called you a" Remus lowered his voice "you-know-what?"

The scene by the beach from last summer term played again in Remus' mind; Severus being hoisted into the air by his ankle, his own spell turned against him. Lilly's hostile face and words, barely restricted fury hiding like a crouched and caged animal in every syllable. James finally allowing Severus to fall unceremoniously to the ground. Severus, pride in tatters, spitting out the words that would hurt his best friend the most: I don't need help from a mudblood like her.

Lilly sighed again "Partly," she admitted "But I feel like then he was just repeating something he's heard. Like, it's been said in front of him so many times in so many ways that he can't help but reach for it when it comes to a situation where he feels attacked. Like with James at the lake. Not that any of that means I'll forgive him." She added, more as an afterthought. "I just wish he wouldn't surround himself with the kind of people that would pour that poison into his brain. He can't even see what's in front of him because they've blinded him with the idea of being able to one up James Potter."

"You don't think it's more than that?" Remus asked, picking his words carefully.

Lilly looked at him, expression open and lost. It struck him suddenly how different she was from Helia. These two muggle borns, both made to feel like intruders in a world they were born to be a part of, both unaware of their incredible destinies for eleven years, unable to understand why strange things were happening to them. It had shaped them in such different ways; Lilly finding new ways to be open, letting her anger run rampant with her magic, and Helia, shutting down, never letting anything through the perfectly constructed armour that she had built, subtly punishing those she disliked.