NOTHING GIRL || Remus Lupin

-Twenty Four: Change and It-

What is happening?

Vertigo temporarily gripped Helia. Right was wrong. Wrong was right. The world turned upside down. Colours swirled together and came out looking entirely different. Everything she had ever known flipped onto it's head.

She had walked into the library expecting to see Lin and Jade waiting for her as usual, Jade trying to explain the transfiguration homework to a struggling Lin. This was what happened every Sunday morning, Hogsmead trip or no. Instead, Helia discovered a long line of tables in the library had been pushed together and, around them, sat a group of eight people: There was Lin and Jade, as was customary, but they were joined by Sirius (whom Lin had thrown an arm over the shoulder of as she chatted to varying people happily. He seemed to be breathing as lightly as possible, lest she take it away), James- who was talking enthusiastically to a confused-looking Lilly. Marlene McKinnon was positioned next to Jade, speaking in low tones. Peter Pettigrew, who looked so nervous that Helia half-expected him to jump out of his chair.

And then there was Remus. Helia, despite having noticed him first, forced her attention to draw to him last. He, at least, looked as confused as she did, meeting her eyes with a shrug and a panicked look. It was perhaps because she spent her get-away time telling herself not to look at the werewolf that Helia was not able to slip out of the library before Lin noticed her.

"Helia!" Lin waved her over.

Helia, shoulders stiff and face blank, slipped onto a chair at the very end of the table, closest to the exit. She was perched on the very edge of her seat, ready to bolt if the need should arise. She felt Remus's gaze on her and stared determinedly down at the already completed charms work in front of her. This was not the deal. The deal was: Jade helps Lin with Transfiguration, Helia helps Lin with Charms and Lin helps them both with Care of Magical Creatures. Nowhere in the terms of agreement was the added social interaction with (Helia did some quick mental maths) six  people. What was more, she didn't know how to act in this diverse group of strangers and friends and whatever Remus Lupin was.

Her instincts told her to shut herself up, to place distance between her and everyone else. If they could see the space in their minds, she told herself, it would manifest into reality. But at the same time, these people were friends with Lin and Jade. Helia could see how happy and relaxed Lin seemed around Sirius, even more so than usual. And she could see the tentative friendship forming between Jade and Marlene.

Helia might not have been Lin; she might not have unfathomable levels of kindness and tolerance towards other creatures, and she might not have been Jade, with her pessimism and negativity that always seemed like a welcome, like a 'hey, I'm human too. Let's be human together'. Helia might not have possessed any of the qualities that made her seem approachable, or friendly, or real. But she cared enough about her friends to not want to ruin their relationships- platonic or none- for them. And Helia had a bad habit of driving people away.

There was also, perhaps, maybe, a little bit, the fact that she wanted to seem like a nice person in front of Remus, but Helia chose to believe she was conflicted for the right reasons.

"OOOOOOOOO! Jade!" Lin called from across the table. Helia's eyes jerked up to see Jade hastily stuffing an envelope that an owl had recently delivered into her pocket. "Letter from your girlfriend?"

Jade went scarlet. Marlene, who had been chewing gum (like a thug) with a slow smile on her face, choked.

"Girlfriend?" she gasped out after a few helpful slaps on the back from Jade.

"I know right?" Lin gushed "Our little girl's all grown up." she wiped away an invisible tear, for once oblivious as a meaningful look flew from Lilly to Marlene.