Chapter Twenty-Six
19th January
Sitting at the dining table I held Izzy in my arms as she suckled from the bottle. Since she wouldn't bond with me, she also had issues attaching to my breasts, which made things ten times harder. I couldn't understand how Andrew was so relaxed with her. He was a natural with her.
On more than one occasion I'd seen him calm her down within minutes, she loved him, far more than me. Letting out a small sigh I placed Izzy in her basinet, her eyes slowly closing as sleep pulled her into a dreamless sleep. Smiling slightly at the sleeping infant my brows pulled in a downward direction as envy crept into my heart.
How could she sleep like this and scream her lungs out? How could she bond with Andy but not me? Then it clicked. I was flawed. Impure and damaged goods and even the baby knew that. No wonder she didn't want me to touch her, or to even bond with her. She didn't want any of my damaged and broken pieces stabbing her. As stray tears fell between the chaos and madness of my mind a single thought silenced them. The solution to my problems.
Peeking at Isabella I smiled knowing that she was still asleep. Good, I thought as I crept up the stairs, trying to be quiet. Walking to the bedroom I pulled out my phone and dialled the babysitters number.
"Oh hey Alex," Mary's cheerful voice answered the phone.
"Mary, hi, I know it's not the normal time you come over and look after Izzy but is there any chance you can come over as soon as possible please?" I asked, trying to keep the desperation and panic out of my voice.
"Sure, I'll be about 20 minutes if that's okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Thank you Mary," I replied before hanging up.
Twenty minutes.
That was more then enough time. Quietly heading down to the kitchen I picked up the shopping list and tore off a clean page. My hand shaking with excitement and nerves as my thoughts quickly turned into words.
At the bottom of the letter I felt my heart break slightly as I wrote the final words.
Love Alex.
"Forgive me Andy," I whispered as I placed the notepad back near the fridge.
YOU ARE READING
The Jumping Of A Suicide {COMPLETED}
Fanfiction✔️ COMPLETED ✔️ ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Alex is a young girl who is suicidal, a cutter and aneroxic. To her music is a saviour. One night when Alex sneeks behind stage of the Black Veil Bride concert things will change drastically for both her and th...
