Non-stop •Mute Alex•

Usnavi

A/N: Oi, you know what's coming :/

Co-written by OwlWithAHat

I know it sucks and it's short but I'm killing him off to make the story move along

This takes place Saturday as well

I have very little ideas for this book as of right now, I just know that Lams must sail, not a big fan of mullette but if enough people request it I might try it.

TW: suicide/depression and strong imagery (**)

Usnavi's P.O.V
I had been diagnosed with chronic depression since before my cousins and aunt moved close. I've always thought about suicide, but there's never been a concrete reason.

I have a good life. Great even. I have no reason to be so selfish as to take my own life for my own reasons. Some reasons being that I hate myself, I'm worthless, I basically have no family, the family I do have is incredibly unstable, I hate the world, and various other reasons. For years it's felt like my entire existence is me being trapped in a maze where I can see the way out but I'm not able to find a way to reach it. I feel so hopeless.

James and I discussed plans for him and Ally to move in as soon as he's out of the hospital, which is tomorrow. I have to stay strong for them. I do my best to keep my family safe from harm. I check up on them once or twice a week, I never smoke or drink in front of them. They don't even know I do either one.

It doesn't matter though. They won't have to deal with my obnoxiousness any longer. I'll be gone by tonight. I know it's unfair to them, but I've tried so many therapists and many different prescription drugs. It gets difficult to wear a fake smile and pull it off. To be able to say you're happy with depression is a luxury that I do not have.

I had practiced this many times before, so why were my fingers shaking as I fumbled with the rope? My hands methodically fiddled with the frayed edges of the rope before I decided it was time.

I wrote the note. It was my best work. I guess Alexander get it from me. God, Alexander and James deserved so much better. They deserved the world, and if I wasn't so pathetic, maybe I could've given it to them.

I tied the rope around the ceiling fan and pulled a few times to make sure it was sturdy. Tears started forming in my eyes, but I decided to wipe them. I cannot be weak in my final moments. I placed the note in my shirt pocket folded ever so perfectly. I made sure there was a plastic bag under me for the fact that you shit when you die and I need to make this as easy to clean up as possible, otherwise what kind of suicide would that be?

To family,

I am broken. I don't know who's reading this, but don't mourn for me, I don't deserve your sadness or pity. This was my choice alone. I was never told to, I had many great friends and family members. I was diagnosed with chronic depression three years before you moved here. I've had a great life, but was almost never happy. You in the hospital but me over the edge, Ally. I cannot express how sorry I am that happened to you. If I could change the past I would. No one understands what I was going through because depression varies so much that it's unlikely you find someone who hated the world as much as they hated them self. I just want you guys to be happy
-Usnavi

I checked my phone. It was five-thirty, and I was getting a call from Alexander. I listened to it ring once.. twice.. three times. My voicemail kicks on. I remember that day. I had gotten my new phone and James and Alexander were playing with it. When Alex had my phone, he clicked voicemail and held it up to my mouth. I spewed the first thing that came to my mind. He laughed and saved it, which made me blush. I sounded frantic and nervously, but I sounded happy. That's all I want to be.

I decided it was time, and stood on the chair, slipping my head into the loop of the noose. Closing my eyes, the tears started to flow non stop. "Alexander" I said. A last cry for help. God, I know it's the one sin that is unacceptable, but I just can't take this anymore.

As I stepped off of the chair, everything went black.