I ran out of the house tears streaming down my face, feeling as if I have just lost a part of myself. The question still echoing in my mind.
'Where is he?'
Mumbles of that question escapes my lips.
Denial washes over me as I hope that the facts are not real. That this is not happening right now.
'Where is he?"
My eyes shot open again. Sweat and tears covering me.
"No," I whisper. My body was trembling I was about to set up when I am stopped by a pair of muscular yet soft arms wrapped around my body.
Luke.
Then I am reminded that this room is full of our friends sprawled out across the floor. I look over at the sleeping messy haired blond beside me sighing. I shake my head still trembling over in the dream. I try to gently wiggle out of Luke's arm before I break down but fail.
"El?" A muffled voice ask.
"I-I'm sorry. Just go back to s-sleep," I try to whisper but my voice is breaking.
"El, are you okay?" Luke sits up rubbing his eyes.
"Um, yeah I-I'm fine," I quickly look away trying to hide my tear stained cheeks.
"No you're not come here," he whispers. He gently puts a hand under my chin making me look at him. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head, avoiding eye contact.
"Come here," he quietly stand helping me up. He leads the way trying to avoid walking on one of our sleeping friends. He leads to the kitchen.
"Sit," he motions to the counter. I do as he says. "Hot chocolate?"
I shake my head.
"You're having hot chocolate," he clarifies.
After he makes two mugs of the hot beverage he sits beside me on the counter. His soft eyes scanning me for a moment. I had calmed down by now.
"Now," he speaks in gentle voice. "What's wrong?"
"It was just a nightmare," I look down at hands.
"Just a nightmare that had you on the verge of a breakdown?"
I say nothing making him shake his head slightly.
"You can tell me El," he put his hand on my thigh with reassurance.
"It was about my dad," I finally admitted.
"Oh," Luke speaks eyes widening slightly.
"It wasn't exactly a dream," I carry on. "It was kinda like a flash back. From the day that he left."
"Go on," Luke nods. The dim moonlight in the dark room showing Luke's concerned and sympathetic expressions.
"The night before he left him and mom got into fight. They fought a lot at that time. So when I got home and saw my grandma and aunt there comforting my mother and my dad's car gone I knew what he did." I feel a lump form in my throat. "At first I wanted to hate him but after few months he contacted me. He still wanted to be part of my life.
I got so happy words couldn't even describe. No matter how mad I was at him, I really missed him. But then my mom forbidden me to see him. No matter what I did she wouldn't let me even talk to him. She blocked his number on my phone and everything. He tried changing his number loads of times but she was always on top of it. As if me hearing the man's voice would ruin her life. I hated it. I hated her."
A single tear slid down my cheek and Luke scooted closer to me, wiping my cheek with his thumb. My voice was extremely shaky at this point but I was not stopping now.
"I don't hate my mom anymore but I still have hard feelings towards her. But I always had hope that one day everything would be okay again. That dad would be back and mom would forgive him and that everything would be back to normal. So when she said we were moving to Australia for her new boy toy I wasn't just pissed, I was disappointed. I was disappointed because all my hope that one day my broken family would be come back together demolished. That's why I acted so bad towards her, and Andy," I trail off. "And you."
"El," Luke pulls me close into a sorrowful hug. "Oh never acted bad towards us. You acted they anyone is your should and would. I acted like the douch."
I chuckle at his words as we pull apart. "So after dad left I tried to forget that day but I couldn't. Because almost every night I had to relive it in a dream. For some reason that memory keeps coming back all the time. I hate it so damn much, Luke." I run a hand through my hair tensely. "The feelings, the desperation, the sudden feeling of loneliness and hatred- I have to feel over and over again every night."
By now I'm balling my eyes out but now a sudden sense of frustration washes over me. I shake my head at the emotion. "I can't stand it," this comes out weak and vulnerable.
"I'm so sorry," Luke mumble in my hair. I am now resting my head against his chest. The moonlight from the window shining on us. The cold counter against our skin and tears still lightly streaming down my face. "So, so sorry."
"Don't be," I mumble. "It's not your fault. It's just what I have to get over."
"You don't have to do that El. Getting over something is something that will come to you. You can't force it. You have every right to feel this way. This was a lot to go through for you. I know you miss your dad and I'm sure those stupid dreams don't help. I have every right to have sympathy towards you. In fact I should have sympathy towards you."
"No you shouldn't," I sigh. "I'm probably overrating."
"Stop beating yourself up El," his voice raises slightly and gets more stern. "You don't deserve it."
His words put a smile of my face. "Thank you Luke."
"Of course El."
"You've really done a lot for me," I look up at him. "You shouldn't have to deal with the mess I am," I chuckle. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," he speaks.
"You deserve it."
A/n: Aww okay I kinda like this chapter :)
Btw I wrote this in like 45 minutes some how which is very uncommon for me.
Anyway I love you guys so much. Thank you all so much for reading my book it really means a lot to me. You guys are the best.
~ Lexi xx
