I'm still me !!!

"Sorry i just i dont know"

Stiles p.o.v

I don't know what I was thinking. I knew I pulled us close and connected our lips. I know we kissed and something I thought that would never happen, happened, he kissed back and I immediately pulled back and said "Sorry I just- I don't know." That was the truth, I didn't know. I just got so caught up in the moment staring at his eyes after he had helped me with my panic attack. All I knew was that I had to tell him and he was the only one that had to know and that was it, "It's perfectly fine Stiles, I get it and you should probably get going." Was all Derek said before standing up.

I didn't know what to do. I know! I needed to think, how could I stop him? All I did was grab his wrist and said "No wait, I'll tell you everything I promise."
I'm actually pretty surprised by his actions because what he did next pick me up and put me on the couch. We both sat down so that's when I started to say " So what happened was, when I was little I went to go see my aunt and uncle. When I went to go see them my cousin was there. My cousin really doesn't like me and so he thought it was funny to bring me out into the woods. He started carving into my back and my aunt and uncle didn't care. My dad never found out about it, no one knows about it no one will know. I went back this summer to to see my aunt and uncle but when I went there they gave me even more scars by whipping me. They said that my cousin had left them because it was my fault. Said it was because I never came back, they don't even know why he left. My cousin had left them because he didn't want to stay with him. He didn't want to have to go through the same thing I went through. His parents would give it to him and not me, he thought that his parents would get mad at him because he did this to me. The truth is, his parents didn't care. They don't give a damn about me, they sent me back home  with my dad and that was it. My dad never found out, I don't think he even cares either." I tried to say this without crying but the truth is I didn't even realize that I was crying.

That was until Derek put his hand on my cheek and wiped away the tear that was falling from my eyes. I didn't really think about what I was going to do next, but the thing I did next was just go into his arms. I hugged him and to my surprise he hugged back. It was perfect, no one was talking and no one said a word but that's when he said "I'm so sorry Stiles, I had no idea does it still hurt?" I wanted to lie to him. I really did but I couldn't because of his werewolf  senses so I didn't lie. I said yes but not physically, emotionally hurt it feel like it had just happened two hours ago, maybe even less than two hours. It hurts every day, then he tried to take my pain away and it worked but I push back right away.

The thing that happened next scared me because he got up right away and screamed at me "Stiles what the hell? If you're hurting you should let me take your pain damn it!" I started to cry harder and somehow I managed to choke out "Okay, i'm sorry I just don't like it when you guys take my pain. it makes me feel bad because you guys are taking in that pain and I would never want you guys to feel the way I feel." It was the truth, I don't like it when the pups take my pain. It hurts me because knowing that they can feel what I feel, it just makes me feel bad. They can feel every single piece of pain that I feel and it hurts pretty bad.

Out of all people I would never expect her to apologize but here we were just me sitting here and him standing there saying "I'm sorry but your pack and we do this for pack all the time and especially for you so you're human we need to help you ." Derek fucking handle just apologize to me does anyone know how amazing that feels Derek is an apologize to anyone Derek isn't really care about anyone either but I guess he's right and pack and that's the only reason why people would do it because I'm pack? Is that even supposed to mean anything I mean he's right I am human does that even mean that I'm actually pack? "Its okay Der-" I was cut off when Scott walk through the door notice me and her were sitting on the couch and that I was shirtless and Inderic sweatpants and he yelled "Stiles why the hell are you shirtless and on Derek's couch with Derek and in his sweatpants that doesn't make any sense unless you two were doing something that I didn't know about so explain yourself please!" The truth is I don't know what to say other then well exactly what happened so I started off with " Well you see Scott what happened was I got here and not even Derek was home so I open door with my key and took off my shirt and went upstairs to go get a pair of Derek's sweatpants because you know they're big and pretty comfortable and then I was in the kitchen making dinner which is in the pan for you guys and he got home and we started to talk speaking of shirt Derek give me a shirt now!" I didn't want to hear that last part but I had to I didn't want to got to know that Derek knew about my scars although that was probably a little bit too late by now but as soon as I finish healing that last part Derek got up right away and tossed my shirt that was right next to the wall where I had left it . Scott was about to say something but before he even got to start Erica Boyd and Isaac walked in then after Isaac Allison Lydia and Jackson walked in . That wasn't even the end of it and then after that came Malia Kira and Liam and Ethan and Aidan . I soon as everyone was inside they all started to go and attack the food everyone ate we all watched a movie and while we were setting up for the movie since me and Derek usually go get the popcorn everyone got their seat but left one couch open which I was assuming was for me but then I realize the Derek didn't have a seat either so they probably did it on purpose Great this is going to be the best night ever I said to myself sarcastically...