One Way Ticket

Chapter Thirty Eight

Jamies POV
I wake up to the most banging headache. I reach across and the space next to me is empty. I turn over and look at the space Dakota is usually lay in. Strange. I sit up and rub my eyes before making my way to JJs room.

"Hey gorgeous boy." Im met with a gorgeous little smile and I lean down and pick him up.

"Lets go and get you fed ay?" I rest JJ against my chest and make sure to support his head with my other hand. We head downstairs and I grab the already made milk from the fridge and warm it up in the microwave.

"Whos daddys gorgeous boy?" I whisper. He flings his arms around and brings his fist up to his mouth. Yep. Most definitely hungry. The microwave bings and I grab the bottle and head to the lounge.

"What are you doing?" Im stopped by Dakota.

"Hey, im just feeding JJ?" I raise my eyebrow and she takes the bottle from me first and then JJ. Woah.

"Dakota, im more than capable of feeding our son." I follow her into the lounge and sit opposite her.

"I never said you weren't capable. I dont want you near him whilst you are still in last nights clothes and reek of alcohol." Her eyes move from JJ to me and I can feel her burning a hole into my face.

"I went out for a couple of drinks thats all." I shrug. I can't really remember last night if im totally honest. Its all abit of a blur. I can't even remember getting in.

"A couple? A couple doesn't make someone else bring you home. A couple doesn't turn you into a complete ass. Why were you drinking anyway? Knowing full well you had to drive home." Dakota looks back at JJ and I just look at them both. I don't know. I wanted a drink. One drink led to many more.

"I just lost it a little thats all. Atleast I got home safely. I didnt harm anybody." She doesnt look at me and shakes her head.

"Brant brought you home. Paparazzi got a hold of you aswell. Just because you didnt hurt anybody doesnt make it right Jamie. I was worried sick. You were gone form 2:00pm until 4:00am this morning." She look at me again and frowns. I've never seen Dakota like this before.

"Baby Im sorry. I really am." I Whisper. She tuts and carries on feeding JJ. She pulls his bin down a little and he continues to eat.

"You have three kids. I know its hard not seeing the girls everyday but you do have a son aswell. You can't forget about him." Dakotas voice is stern. Serious. Its worrying.

"Im well aware." I squint my eyes a little.

"You better ring your Dad back today too. He tried getting in touch with you." I roll my eyes and stand up.

"Im a grown man Dakota. I can look after myself." I slam my hand on the wall and Dakota jumps a little.

"Are you insane?" She asks. JJ spits the teet out of his mouth and starts to cry. I let my hand drop and relax.

"Dakota im so sor-"

"Dont fucking speak to me. Get a grip and then come back to me. You're acting like a little child." Dakota walks past me and heads upstairs. Truth is, I dont know whats the matter. I feel torn. I just feel empty.

Dakotas POV
Jamie acting the way he is.. its scary. Its mind boggling and its making me debate whether I want to be here with him right now. He hasn't really bonded with JJ and that is terrifying me. What if he just turns us away? Acts like we are nothing. I sigh and look down at JJ who is lay in the middle of the bed without a care in the world.

"You're a gorgeous boy arent you?" I coo down at him and stroke my finger across his cheek. He kicks out and starts to rapidly throw his arms all over the place.

I look down at my phone and see a message from Jamie. He's an adult, I want be accepting no apologies through text message. I turn my phone over so the screen is facing the bed. I move my attention back to JJ who has now got his fist in his mouth.

"Stop eating your clothes." I lean over a little and roll his little sleeves up. He looks at me with pure confusion and carries on sucking on his fist.

"Dakota" I shift my body a little and look at Jamie who is stood at the door.

"What?" I ask.

"Please hear me out.." he continues

"Go on?" I reply. He pulls up a chair and moves it nearer the bed before sitting on it.

"I wasnt thinking straight. I got a little emotional and I didnt want to let the girls go. Part of me wanted to go with them. I don't know why I didnt.." he stops and looks at me wide eyed.

"You know what... why didnt you go with them? Go and play happy families. You're forgetting you have three kids. You're forgetting your little boy. If you didnt want another child you never should have got me pregnant and you should have worn a condom. Its been a day. Im sure you can make it to the holiday." I fold my arms and don't move my eyes from his. He gulps and looks at JJ then back to me.

"You didnt let me finish. I know I have JJ and thats why I didnt go. I have you and our little boy to look after aswell. Its just difficult seeing them go and me not being with them. The last time that happened me and Amelia were together and I was guarenteed to see them again." He shrugs and looks down at his feet.

"Jamie. I know its going to be hard and of course you will see them again but you cant do bizarre things like go drinking all night when you need to drive home. If Brant wasnt there you probably still would be out there in that pub. I was worried. I still am. Im scared. Ive never seen you like this and I dont know how to act. I need to protect JJ and myself." I look down and sniffle a little.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"Jamie, You're scaring me. All of this anger, its scary. Its horrible to see. You're not like that, you're calm and relaxing. You're collective. Wheres that guy gone?" I look up and our eyes meet.

Jamie stiffens a little, he slides down the chair and looks at his knotted hands. He looks lost, he looks like a lost and broken little boy. I grab his hand and pull him to me, he sits on the bed and immediately pulls me into his chest.

"Jamie. Why don't you speak to me? Why do you bottle it all up?" I whisper. My hand slides up his neck and through the back of his hair.

"Because I need to look after you all." He sniffles. He hides his head in the crook of my neck and holds me tight.

"Jamie, we look after eachother. We all love you so much." I pull back and rest my forehead against his.

"It pains me to even think of the girls being mad and upset me with me. Dulcie was so cold with me at the airport. What if she doesnt want to see me again? I dont want to fuck up. I dont want to be a let down to them Dakota." He rubs his eyes and I nudge my nose against his.

"That is never going to happen. Those girls adore you. They look up to you. This little one will look up to you aswell." I turn my head and look at JJ. Jamie does the same and a little smile appears on his face.

"Hey wee man." Jamie leans over and pulls JJ to him before picking him up and cradling him against his chest.

"You Are going to be a right little heartbreaker when you're older." Jamie whispers. He moves his hand up to the back of JJs neck to support his head and brings him out infront of him. I admire them both as Jamie admires our son.

"That little boy needs you too." I scoot over and rest my head on his shoulder. He nods and I look at JJ. He has no clue whats going on. He is probably just wondering when his next bottle is.

"Im sorry for getting mad. Sometimes I feel its the only way to get through to you." I kiss his shoulder and he brings JJ back into his chest and lies him back on the bed. He leans in and kisses my lips softly. Immediately I stroke my hand over his cheek and kiss back.

"I love you so much." He whispers against my lips. I kiss him again.

"I love you too. Even if you are a pain in the ass and a complete head fuck." I wink and he frowns.

"Dont start." I warn. He nods and lies back just next to JJ.

"Ill go and make us some tea." I smile and stand up. He nods and I leave the room and head downstairs. That man is a rollercoaster of emotions. I don't know what it is. What is he so afraid of?