Beyond My Boundaries | ✔

43 - You

Chapter 43 - You

Winter can be over anytime now.

I know there's still a couple months to go, but I was getting seriously tired of the cold. I always love it in the beginning, but man does it quickly get agitating.

I was sick of helping shovel. I was sick of trudging through snow, and sitting in freezing vehicles.

I just wish we could have the pretty white snow, but with the warmth of the summer. And maybe some flowers poking up through the snow? Seriously, how pretty would that be?

Please Mother nature, go easy on me. Let spring come early this year?

"I just want to wear a bikini again." Melissa sighed. "And get a tan."

"Lies. You just want an excuse to wear a bikini for my pervy brother." I rolled my eyes.

"Why wear a bikini for him when I can wear nothing at all?" She winked and pulled on one my black sweaters.

"Sick! And I was going to wear that." I sighed. She was always stealing my clothes.

"I doubt Carson cares what you wear."

"Thanks."

"Oh my God, so dramatic today. You know what I meant." She pulled the sweater off and tossed it at me, smacking me in the face with it.

"I'm not being dramatic."

"Levi jokingly called you ugly and you flipped out."

I thought back to this morning, when my brother made the comment at me.

Maybe I was growing some image insecurities. I was feeling distant from Carson and I think it made me feel like I had to leave a good imprint in his mind when we're apart.

"Carson picking you up?" Levi questioned as I turned the door knob.

"Yup."

"He hasn't been around much."

Here we go again with this. "How many times do I have to say this? He's been spending time with Edith." I rolled my eyes.

"Things have just seemed different between you two."

Were things a little different since Christmas? Maybe. But mostly because my chat with Edith has been swimming around in my head, slowly driving me crazy.

It was hard to spend time with Carson because I couldn't directly tell him that I wasn't interested in visiting her. It was too stressful to imagine, let alone actually do it. And with him being so close to her, we'd end up arguing over it. I'd routinely make excuses and come up with other plans to avoid it, and he was getting fed up.

Althought it wasn't voiced, I felt like Edith had given me a silent ultimatum, one that only I had the answer to.

Pick Brett before I hurt Carson, or get Brett out of my life so that I can focus on Carson.

My heart was so indecisive that I had not a clue what I was going to end up doing. I had this sense of pergatory looming over me. One choice would bring me to heaven, and one would send me to Hell.

But they were both so good, that I couldn't be sure of which would drag me down.

I was convinced that neither could. I could potentially have a great future with either of these boys. There was no losing, and although it sounds absurd... that made it even harder to make up my mind.