Only Mine

9

Sunday lunch at my mum's was a blur. Obviously everyone noticed something was going on, but I kept on insisting that nothing's wrong, I was apparently under the weather.
Hanna, however, knew something was up with Jake and I had to do my best to make her realize now is really not the time to talk about it.

When I finally reached home that afternoon, I collapsed on my couch with a cup of hot tea and chocolate to accompany my sorry-ass mood.

I was checking my phone the whole day, hoping to hear anything from him, and at the same time hating myself for being so weak.

I was replying his words in my head, telling me he doesn't want me in his world. I knew he was attracted to me, I didn't imagine things. But he wasn't attracted enough, I guess. And not nearly as much as I was to him; in that moment, I forgot about everything and was willing to take whatever he would give me. And he looked me in the eyes and felt ashamed for doing this. Arrgh.

I don't know why he thinks he needs to protect me. I am not some naïve innocent little girl and I'm not expecting marriage and kids from him. Hell, even I don't want this. Not yet at least.
I just really felt a sparkle between us, and I haven't felt it in a long time; if ever. Even with Scott, things were never that intense.
And I didn't even have sex with Jake.

I felt miserable and I refuse feeling down because of a man, again. Today I'll let myself cry over him, but tomorrow I'm getting my adult-panties on and forgetting all about it.
And I kept saying that mantra for the rest of the evening, these being my last thoughts before falling asleep. My phone remained silent, which was for the best. I didn't need another distraction in my life.

I woke up the next day with bitter-sweet taste when memories of a previous day flooded my mind, but I decided to get rid of them and take on the new day. He was supposed to be just careless hot sex, nothing more. I will survive his stupid refusal and move on.

This doesn't mean, however, I'm looking forward to today. It's Brian's birthday and he is taking us to this fancy up-town restaurant that just opened a few weeks ago.

I know he will be there, it's inevitable. The worst of it all, I don't know what I feel more – dread for seeing him or excitement at being in his proximity.

I'm sure I'll get a reality check if he shows up with Serena. Or maybe this is just what I need to move on from those meaningless fantasies about him.

Nevertheless, first I need to get myself to classes. The fall semester is coming to an end, and Christmas is just mere weeks away, which means the exam period is around the corner. I've got a few months left before finishing my degree and it's time I start acting like it.

I threw the blankets off me and tiptoed to the bathroom, the cold floor waking me up instantly.

45 minutes later I was already in the classroom, sipping my early dosage of caffeine. So far so good.

The day rushed away and soon I was dressing up for the dinner, again on the verge of being late, which is something most of the people surrounding me are used to. Unfortunately.

I left the apartment at 6:30 p.m. and went to pick up my mom and Mike so we can drive together to the restaurant. Michael surprised me by putting on a dress shirt with black jeans and it made him look absolutely stunning.

"I can't believe my little baby boy is such a handsome heartbreaker already."

Mike rolled his eyes at me while getting in the back of the car.
"Give me a break, Jess, I'm not a kid anymore."

I chuckled and looked at him in the rear mirror. "You'll always be my little brother."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too, doll."