Surviving Cancer

Tuesday, November 21

First update now that it's all been edited. I definitely like writing on my phone better. I can do it whenever and wherever. Which definitely helps for when I have inspiration. Thanks everyone for reading. Hope you ENJOY! -DBR

MACI POV
I was in my bathroom, leaning against the countertop as I stared at my reflection. I fingered through my thinning hair. I had already decided I should just shave my head but I didn't really want to. It was such a moment. A turning point in my fight. As much as I hated admitting it though, it was time. I had bald spots, it looked stringy, and I was over it. The last time I had shaved my head when I was eight, Levi had shaved his head too. I wasn't going to ask him to do it again. I let out a sigh, leaving my bathroom, my oxygen tube trailing behind me. I yanked my oxygen off my face, discarding it on my bedroom floor. I had to go get the clippers my mom had for doing hair from the downstairs bathroom. I thought about asking my mom to shave my head but I didn't want it to be a spectacle.

I quietly made my way to the bathroom. It wasn't that I was trying to sneak around but I also wasn't trying to gain anyone's attention. I rifled through the cabinet, locating the case that held the clippers and all the guards.

I slipped up the stairs again, my breathing becoming labored as I tried to be quick and stealthy. I reached my room throwing the case on my bed with a thud. I snatched my oxygen off the floor, shoving it in my nose. I took a few deep breaths as I fixed it around my ears, my lungs thankful for the air. I sat down on my head, giving myself a moment to catch my breath. I had my head rested in my hands, my elbows on my knees when someone knocked on my door.

"You okay?" Levi asked.

The bed sunk next to me his arm wrapped around me. I nodded my head, taking another deep breath.

"I'm fine."

"What are you doing?"

"Breathing." I answered, tilting my head so I was looking at him. "You?"

"I was going to go make a sandwich and was going to see if you wanted one." He said. "Are those mom's trimmers?"

I looked on my other side, the case sitting near my pillow. I nodded my head.

"Why are they on your bed?" Levi asked.

I knew he knew.

"I put them there."

He rolled his eyes at me, apparently not appreciating my sass.

"Were you going to?" He asked, nodding at them. I shrugged my shoulders, nodding my head a little. "I'll do yours, if you do mine."

I watched him run his hand through his hair, pulling at the ends. It was a habit he acquired as our hair grew back when we were eleven. I wasn't quite sure why, I had never bothered to ask him.

"You don't have to." I said, leaning into him.

"I know."

We sat like that for awhile, his arm around me, my head resting against his neck. Neither of us said anything. Both of us taking comfort in having each other.

"Well let's do this." I said.

"Sure you want to?" I nodded. There was no point in waiting. 

He let out a sigh, shoving himself off my bed.  I reached for his put stretched hand, grabbing the case on my way up. Together we headed into my bathroom.

"I'll go first." Levi said, sitting down on the toilet.

He stripped his shirt off over his head, discarding it on the counter. I set the case down, unclipping the locks that held it closed. Everything was neatly packed in its rightful place. I pulled the clippers out, plugging them into the nearest outlet.

"You really don't have to." I said again.

Levi's eyes met mine in the mirror. He smiled slightly.

"I was tired of this style anyway."

I shook my head, knowing he was lying. Hair wasn't quite as important for a guy as it is a girl, or at least that's how it seems. But I appreciated it. Instead of everyone just staring at me when j showed up to school bald, they'd be staring at both of us. That, in my mind, made it seem like it might be a little easier.

He pulled his phone out. "Take a before picture with me."

I didn't want to take a picture. I looked terrible and I knew it.

"Come on, I won't show anyone." He pressed.

I let out a sigh, leaning down next to him. I yanked my oxygen off, wrapping my arm around his shoulder as he held his phone up to take the picture. I gave a small smile, my eyes focused on his phone screen. He took a couple shots before lowering his phone.

"Thanks." He said.

I nodded, putting my oxygen back on.

"Here we go." I flicked the clippers on, giving Levi one more look in the mirror.

I started at his forehead, sending the clippers straight back. They left a bald strip in their wake, Levi's brown hair falling in a clump to the ground.

There was no turning back now.

                      -----------------
LEVI POV
I sat on the toilet in Maci's bathroom. She shut the clippers off, returning the small space to silence. The only noise was the little 'puff' from her oxygen every few seconds. I took a deep breath, running my hand over my freshly shaved head. I swallowed hard. There was nothing to pull.

"We are going to need to go buy hats." Maci said.

My eyes met hers in the mirror. She had a small smile on her face but it didn't reach her eyes. She was trying to make this seem like less of a big deal than it was. I knew that. I knew that the moment I saw the clippers on her bed. It was also why I once again was going to have a bald head the entire time Maci did. I couldn't experience everything with her but this we could do together, the same.

"I didn't think of that." All I had was a couple baseball hats. "We should have thought this through better."

She laughed through her nose, brushing some hair off my shoulder. Her hands were cold against my skin.

"Alright, let's get this over with." She muttered, handing me the clippers.

I stood up. I wrapped my arms around Maci before she had a chance to sit. She felt so small in my arms, so fragile. It made my heart shatter. I would do anything to make her better. She let me hold her for a minute, her face pressed against my bare chest. When I finally released she sat on the toilet, her eyes cast down. I knew she was on the verge of tears.

"Last chance." I said. I needed to just get this over with so she could move on.

"Go ahead." She nearly whispered.

I clicked the clippers on as she lifted her head. Our eyes met once more in the mirror. I watched as she took one more deep breath. The last time this happened, my mom did it. Standing here now, I had no idea how she had kept herself together. I could feel my hand shaking with nerves.

I ran my hand over my head again, breaking my gaze from Maci as I started. I bit my lower lip as I made pass after pass over her head. Her brown hair falling all around us. I purposely kept my eyes focused on what I was doing, afraid to look at Maci in the mirror. Only a few minutes passed before I found myself turning the clippers off. I sat then down on the counter, finally allowing myself to look at Maci. She had tears streaming down her face.  I pulled her to her feet and into my chest. Her arms wrapped around me, her small frame shaking as she tried to suppress her sobs.

"I love you." I murmured.