Surviving Cancer

Wednesday, October 18

MACI POV

"Hey girly." Jackie said sliding into her seat in our second hour.

"Hey." I said back smiling.

"What are you doing after school, I guess Levi and Greg are hanging out?" She half told me, half asked.

I nodded my head, "Yeah I have treatment today but I told Levi he didn't have to come."

If I let Levi he would be there at every single treatment and appointment.  Which I loved but at the same time Levi wasn't the one sick.  He should be living his life too.  In Florida it was like both of us were sick because Levi would never leave my side.  I'm thankful for such a brother but I also didn't want to steal his life away like I had done in the past.  After much persisting and reassuring he finally agreed to hang out with Greg.

"What's it like?  Your treatment?  Like what happens?" Jackie asked, fussing with strands of her red hair that had fallen out of her ponytail.

"It's not horrible at least not yet, basically they just take me into a room and hook me up to some machines."  I said, I watched Jackie as she nodded her head taking it all in.  "Do you want to come?"

"Do you mind?" Her green eyes studied me closely.

"No not at all.  It's actually sort of nice to have someone there with me besides my mom or dad.  You won't be able to come back with me but still.  And then after if I feel okay we can go do something." I said.

"Does it make you sick?" She asked, leaning closer as the class began to fill up.

"Yeah sometimes." I whispered back.

I wasn't going to tell her how bad it would get.  I didn't want to scare her even though she had been taking all of my news quite well.  I knew she thought she could handle it but actually seeing what chemotherapy does to a person is a lot harder to swallow than hearing about it. 

"Will I get to meet Jonah and Walter?" She asked as the teacher walked in.

I shrugged my shoulders, I was hoping Jonah and Walter would be there but I didn't really know one way or the other if they would be for sure.  I had my bucket list tucked into my jean pocket waiting to be shared.  It was a weird feeling sort of.  I almost wanted to go to treatment, not so much because of the treatment but because of Jonah and Walter. 
-------------
"Are you sure you don't want me to come?" Levi asked for the hundredth time as I waited for Jackie by the school doors.

"Yes Levi, it's fine.  Jackie's coming today anyway.  Go have fun."  I said again.

"But what if you feel sick after?" He asked his brown eyes locked on me.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Then I feel sick.  I don't know I'll go to sleep or something."

"Someone has to take care of you though."

I placed my hands on either side of Levi's face, looking straight into his eyes.  "Levi I will be fine.  I promise.  Please go have fun.  For me." I added the last part, hoping it would persuade him once and for all.  "Please."

I watched him carefully, waiting for his answer.  He finally sighed, lowered his eyes and nodded his head.

"Alright.  But if you need me please call." He said.

"You know I always do." I reassured him.  "I'll text you when I'm leaving the hospital okay?"

He nodded his head, pulling me into a hug.  I stood there in the safety of my brother's arms as he clung to me like it was the last time he'd see me.  It was going to be strange not having Levi there waiting for me.  But it had to happen.  Whether I made it or not, Levi had to learn to be on his own because one day it would happen.