Surviving Cancer

Friday, October 6 Cont'd

MACI POV

The anxiety was coursing through my veins as I sat in the waiting room at the hospital.I couldn't think about anything.I had no train of thought.I was shaking so hard I could barely stand.I tapped my fingers on my leg, a vain attempt at trying to control my nerves.

The door open but I don't bother to look up. I felt Levi wrap his arms around me pulling me into his chest. I was barely holding myself together. The stress of waiting to find out all but consuming me.

"You okay?" He asked, his voice was thick. He had been crying.

I pushed myself away, nodding my head. If he continued to hug me k was going to start crying. I refused to cry. I was fine. I had to be. Doctor hiked brand walked in, taking a seat. He exchanged pleasantries with my mom. I couldn't help but think of how pointless it was. I just wanted to know what the tests said. I looked to Levi, feeling his eyes on me. He smiled slightly and I felt the tears threatening to burst out of me like a geyser so j looked down.

Dr. Hildebrand cleared his throat, "So I've received the tests and scan we did Maci."

I nodded my head but kept my eyes down. My heart rate increasing with every second that passed.

He cleared his throat again, shifting on his stool."Well it seems that the cancer has in fact come back. Now I'm sure you all know from previously that ALL is a fast moving leukemia.It looks like it's already spread quite a bit..."

My world stopped.

Just like that.

It was back.

I thought I'd cry or be mad or something.Instead I felt numb.Lost.It was so surreal.I didn't remember feeling this way the first time, though I didn't totally understand what was going on the first time.I was only eight.What was I going to do?What if this time I didn't make it?I came so close last time.I needed air.I wanted out of this hospital.I turned to my mom, not even caring that I was about to cut off Dr. Hildebrand as he went over my options for treatment.

"I want to go outside." I said.

She looked at me and then Levi but I didn't wait. I shoved myself off the table, I felt disoriented like I was in one of those stupid clown mazes.I stumbled for the door, pushing it open and running down the hallway.I didn't care.I burst through the doors of the hospital, the tears breaking the seal.I kept running, my vision blurring as I slipped through rows of cars.I didn't know where I was running to and at this point it didn't matter.I'd run all the way back to Florida if it meant the cancer would go away.I reached grass before Levi caught up with me.He nearly tackled me as he slammed into the back of me.

"Hey, hey.It's okay.Calm down." He said as I gasped for air between sobs."Shh it's okay."

I felt my knees go weak, letting Levi slowly lower us both to the ground.I buried my head in my hands, the tears coming in constant streams down my face.Levi pulled me into his chest, resting his chin on my head.

"It's okay."

"No it's not!" I screamed."It's not okay!I don't want it to be back!"

"I know." I could hear the strain in Levi's voice as he tried to keep his voice level.

"This isn't fair." I sobbed, clutching to his t-shirt."Why me?"

Levi's chest shook, I didn't need to look to know he was crying."I'm so sorry Maci."

"Why me?Why Levi?Why do I have to go through this again?" My breathing was ragged as I mumbled my way through my words.

Levi slowly rocked us back and forth in the grass holding me as close and tight as he could."I love you so much."