Surviving Cancer

Monday, November 6

LEVI POV

I sat down at the lunch table, Maci wasn't in class today. She was having an off day and my mom felt it was better she rest up. Which left me in a state of worry that I was constantly trying to surpress with a stupid grin and a simple "She's fine." By now everyone had heard that it wasn't an eating disorder or anything like that, that it was in fact cancer. And everytime Maci took a day off and I went to school alone, everyone, and I mean everyone asked me if she was okay. It was nice, ya know, having the support rather then having people back off or isolate her. In fact she'd almost gained more friends now that the cat was out of the bag but it didn't change the fact that it was here and I didn't really want to talk about it with everyone. A simple "hey I noticed Maci wasn't in class, is everything okay?" turns into "so what are the odds ya know?" or "what's it like having a sister with cancer?" I knew they didn't mean anything about it but at the same time I wish there was a button I could hit. A button to turn off everyone's questions or make me glow red so everyone knew to just not ask. I stared at my tray of pepperoni pizza, running my hand through my hair. I pulled at the ends as a sigh escaped my lips.

"Rough day?" Jackie asked as she set her tray down next to me.

"No, ya, sort of." I mumbled. "I'm just tired."

She nodded her head, the one person that always understood when I didn't want to elaborate. "Are you going to that party tomorrow night with Greg?"

"Yeah, I need some fun I think." I said. I hadn't even thought about whether Jackie was going to be accompanying us. "Are you?'

"Nah, I figured you guys might need a bro's night out." She said, a crooked grin spreading across her face. "I can't crash every time you hang out."

I nodded my head, part of me loved it when she constantly hung out with us but it was also the worst form of torture. Like hanging a fat juicy steak out in front of a lion and watching him desperately trying to catch it.

"How's everything with you and Emma?" She asked.

I hadn't even looked at Jackie yet, my eyes had been fixed straight ahead, my pizza slowly going cold.

"Good actually." I said not able to hide the surprise in my own voice.

"Was it not suppose to go good?" She asked. I could feel her watching me, studying my reaction.

I laughed under my breath slightly, thinking about all the numerous ways I had tried to explode the small relationship we had.

"Well it wasn't for a minute because of me." I confessed. "I was being a dick."

She shook her head smiling. "You seem to do that to girls you like."

My eyes finally snapped to her, that was the last thing I had thought she would say and she now had my full attention. She stared back at me with her hazel eyes, waiting. Waiting for me to defend myself, waiting for me to blow up. I had been nothing but a ticking time bomb since we found out. And every little thing just added up and added up and I kept letting loose on Emma and Jackie. I took a breath, my lips parting but no words escaping as I took in her features. She was as stunning as ever. Both Emma and Jackie were so similiar with their hazel and green eyes and their red hair. Jackie was a little tougher, more angular. She was going to go places regardless of what happened. Emma though, she was soft, a slight childish look to her. Emma in my mind was the kind of girl that would never age, she was just going to be this young, beautiful thing forever.

"I'm sorry." I finally said. Jackie's face relaxed but I didn't given her time to say anything. "I guess I just suck at dealing with things."

She put her hand on my knee underneath the table. A gesture that made me jump in my skin yet melt inside all at the same time.