In My Life

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"How much do you know?" was all I was able to say once I regained my composure.

Lucas tucked his right hand deep in his pocket, the other stayed planted beneath his loads of brown ringlets. "I don't know everything."

I rested my head on my folded arms and stared blankly at my pale pink wallpaper, caught in the eye of a hurricane thrashing around in my stomach. One second I felt as if my entire lunch was coming back up, the next I felt as if my stomach was an empty pit. When I shut my eyes, the room stopped spinning around me, but the nausea remained in place.

"I know that I was three when Emma gave you up to Dad." he pressed his forehead against the door to my closet, "I know that Dad cheated on Melissa with Emma."

"Who's Melissa?" I croaked.

"The triplets mom." Luke rubbed his face, "That's why she split. She didn't want to get cheated on again. I really don't blame her."

I shifted slightly, stretching my feet out in front of me, "Do they-"

"No." Luke stopped me before I could say anymore, "I don't plan on telling them, either."

"That's not fair. It's Mo-their mother, Lucas. They deserve to know they had nothing to do with her leaving." my brother finally turned his eyes back on me; I froze in place.

He looked as if he'd just been hit repeatedly by a mack truck. His eyes were dark and exhausted. His cheeks flushed and lacking any color. He was even hunched slightly, as if every word that left me was like a blow to the stomach to him.

"It's never the child's fault when the parents divorce or one of them leaves, Alex. Don't think it is." he whispered, "If Jace and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum don't understand that by now, then there's no way I can help them."

I dropped my head, burying my hands in my hair. I could feel my nails digging into my scalp as I tried to process everything.

"If you knew, why didn't you tell me?" I forced out, turning on my brother. He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the wall.

"It wasn't my place, Lex." he murmured.

"Not your place? Dad cheated on your mot-"

"Melissa wasn't my mother either." Luke tilted his head and stared at the popcorn ceiling, "My mother was a street walker."

It took me a second to understand what he meant, "You mean a hooker?"

"I prefer street walker." Luke bit his lip, "But yeah, she was a hooker."

"When did Dad tell you?" I went on, redirecting the subject back to my previous question.

"About my mother or Melissa and Emma?" he arched his eyebrows, "I knew about my mother my entire life. I knew that there was no chance I'd ever see her and gave up on contacting her years ago."

"About Emma." I clarified.

"Dad didn't tell me." Luke sat with his back against the closet door, blue eyes on me, "I found the box when I was thirteen. You were only ten and you could actually see under your bed. We hadn't corrupted you yet." he tried his best at a smile, but it faltered immediately.

"I knew what it was like growing up without a mother. Knowing that she had left without a valid reason. That she had made it so nobody could find and contact her. There were millions of things I wanted to ask her, to say. I never wanted my innocent little sister to experience that." Lucas smiled sadly, shrugging one shoulder.

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