Forever & Always

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

-Burning Desire-

I stared out the window and watched the rain drum against the glass. My head leaned against the window pane and my eyes shut. They remained shut for a while, it wasn't until Louis' loud voice echoed through the halls that they opened.

"Eleanor!" He shouted as he barged into the room. "Eleanor!"

"Yeah?" I answered with a yawn, not lifting my head from the window.

"What do you wanna do today? Today on this lovely March day?" He chirped.

"Nothing." I replied. I was too tired for anything, honestly. This past month or so, Louis has been dragging me around all over town and I just felt exhausted. All I wanted at this point was a long nap.

"Babe!" He whined and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me up to him. "Let's go to the zoo!" He exclaimed.

I groaned and let myself go limp, earning a laugh from Louis. "I'm tired. Zoo equals lots of walking."

Louis sighed and picked me up bridal style. "Okay, why don't we just go give my mum a visit?"

I yawned and nodded. Although I had agreed, I couldn't help but let my heavy eyelids close.

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I smiled down at the sleeping baby girl in my arms. Her nose twitched and quiet baby talk escaped her lips. I glanced up at Louis and my smile only widened. He was doing the same thing I was just doing. He was smiling down at the baby boy in his arms.

"Hello, baby Ernest." Louis whispered to the baby, who, in reply, smiled up at his big brother.

Louis only averted his gaze from Ernest when his mum peeked her head towards the door. "Hey, guys.." She spoke softly before stepping into the room.

I smiled a hello to her, not wanting to wake the sleeping Doris up.

"Hey, mum." Louis whispered back.

Jay stepped over to me and smiled down at her daughter. I turned to her and whispered, "Can you hold her for a bit? I've gotta go to the bathroom."

She nodded and happily took the sleeping child from me, "Of course." She whispered back.

After handing Doris to Jay, I smiled at Louis and walked out of the room. The bathroom trip itself was quick. I wanted to get back to Doris and Ernest as quickly as I could. A smile spread across my lips as I walked back to the room.

I stopped walking when I heard talking coming from the nursery. It was Louis and Jay. I edged closer to the door and stayed quiet. I wasn't the type that would eavesdrop but there was one word that made me, kind of forced me, to press my ear against the door. Marriage.

"Don't you think it's time, though?" Jay asked softly.

"I dunno, mum. It isn't that easy. I have to put --you're okay, bud- I have to put Eleanor's thoughts into this too. Not to mention the chain reaction I'll start with even proposing to her." He replied. My guesses were that they were setting the babies in their cribs due to the sound of movement.

"What chain reaction?" Jay asked, followed by footsteps going across the room once again.

"Mum, she gets enough hate from being my girlfriend. Can you imagine what would happen if I proposed? I mean, yeah. Of course I want to marry her. I want to be with her the rest of my life, but then there's the fans. By putting her needs and the fans' needs into consideration, this is the happy medium. This is how I keep both of them satisfied."

I heard Louis' mum sigh deeply before she spoke again. "Listen closely, Louis. You have to focus on you. If those so called 'fans' of yours are the reason you can't be fully happy then you need to forget them. This whole appeasement plan won't work for long. And I know, Poppet, I know that they mean a whole bunch to you and all they've done for you guys, but you have to put yourself first. Eleanor is a great, strong girl and I can see how happy she makes you. Your eyes glow when you look at her and, Darling, that's what I want for you. I want you to marry her and then start your very own family, just like you've always wanted to. And if that means leaving the band, then so be it. As long as you're happy, do you understand? As long as yore genuinely happy."

There was a long pause. I took this as a chance to walk into the room. My eyes were instantly caught with Louis'. I smiled at him, he smiled back. It was a fond smile, but there was a million words behind his eyes.

"I'll get Louis' old bed ready for you two." Jay gushed before rubbing Louis' arm as if to comfort him.

Louis knitted his eyebrows in confusion and looked at his mum. "Why would you-"

"You two are on twin duty." She said, cutting him off. She smirked before walking out of the room.

Louis sighed and shrugged, though I could see the smile that he was holding back. He loved it here. He couldn't even try to say he didn't.

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The second I heard a cry I darted up in bed. I looked around the dark room and quickly shook Louis in a lousy attempt to wake him up. I didn't wait for him to get up before getting out of bed. I searched around frantically for my clothes but ended up wearing only my underwear and Louis' shirt. I looked at the sprawled out, naked Louis on the bed and walked over to shake him again. Part of me knew that he wouldn't get up. He always has to sleep for at least five hours after sex. Which is why I wasn't so keen on letting sex happen earlier. It was mainly peer pressure. Besides, the whole 'having sex in his childhood bedroom' idea seemed to intrigue me. So it was bound to happen.

"Louis, get up." I groaned before leaving the room and rushing to the nursery.

I walked into the warmed room and quickly walked over to Ernest's crib. He was the one crying. As soon as I picked him up, though, Doris began crying.

"I'll get her." Louis' groggy voice filled the room as he trudged over to Doris' crib. He was half asleep and only in boxers. That were on backwards.

Neither of us said anything as we followed Jay's instructions. We fed them, burped them, changed their diapers, and we were currently pacing around the room with the sleepy babies. I closed my eyes as I rocked the baby boy gently.

"You look so perfect with a baby..." Louis whispered.

I felt a pink tinge immerse from my cheeks as I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Louis?" I asked softly.

"Yes, darling?" He replied quietly.

"When do you think we'll have a baby of our own?" I asked, watching him tense up. I looked down at Ernest and tried focusing on him. Last I knew, Louis did want a baby.

"I- well- Why do you ask?" He stuttered. The whole topic itself seemed to make him uncomfortable.

"I don't- I mean not- I don't know," I breathed out. I made it my first priority not to look at him. I couldn't let him see my eyes because then he'd know what was going on.

But what is there to hide? I knew I didn't want a baby so soon either. So why did I react in such way to his words? We both agreed on waiting. Yet, this inevitable feeling lingered in my chest.

I was hurt.

"Eleanor, we aren't ready just yet. I'm leaving next month and I don't return for another six months. I'd miss everything." He whispered. I heard his foot steps move closer to me. Then I felt one of his arms rest at my hip. "Look at me."

I did my very best at clearing my mind. I tried not to show any emotions in my eyes because Louis was right. It wouldn't be fair to him, the baby, or me. Slowly, but surely, I lifted my head and met his eyes.

"I do want to start a family with you... I really do. But I really think we should wait." He spoke softly, his beautiful eyes making me melt inside.

I nodded. It was inevitably true. No matter how much this burning desire inside of me told me I wanted a baby, I couldn't abide to it. We had to wait. I don't know how long, but we had no other choice.