soon.

xv.

̶ ̶ xv. NO LONGER BEGGING FOR A FATHER'S LOVE.

my voice is weak, i shy away from boys who confess their fondness towards me. like a joke, i laugh, until i get home to cry away my broken heart into a stained pillow.
thanks to you, i don't know what it means to feel loved.
all i can understand is how you're gone now,
how you left your family,
your mistakes,
behind you like trash you throw out your car window.

you don't talk to me anymore, 
the last i love you was heard from a five year old's point of view.
the night you almost killed yourself still lingers in my mind every now and again, it leaves disgust on my tongue that i've morphed into someone like you.
i'm still trying to figure out how you did it all,
how you slammed the front door with a smile on your face,
leaving an earthquake to break apart our family.

i'm left wondering what you are doing now.
if you even care that your daughter is filling in your spot as a father,
raising her siblings on her back as her mother sorrowfully weeps in her bedroom.

i hope you know that i'm sorry i was ever born.