soon.

xxxvi.

̶ ̶ xxxvi. DEAR PARENTS.

i'm drained to the point that the sun is grey, the obnoxious yellow no longer the annoying vibrancy that it once was. i feel numb yet sadness still caresses my cheek, a battle against whether i will start to cry for the third time that day or not. i sit in the corner of my dark room, a fan blowing in cold air is the only noise that surrounds me, and i begin to wonder if you even care.

does your heart ache for your daughter that cries herself to sleep? do you think once of what you have done to make me so weak?

i like rainy days the most for they camouflage the tears running down my face. my red, swollen eyes are the only color of that morning. the heavenly body hidden behind foggy clouds.

yet you're still walking around the floor beneath me, not even wondering if i'm awake when the clock hits three. smiling, finding joy around the siblings you seem to care much more for than what you forbid to see.

i wonder 
if i were to die
how long would it take you
to find me?