soon.

lxxii.

̶ ̶ lxxii. PAIN SHOULDN'T BE A SYNONYM FOR LOVE.

the word love spit from our mouths so soon that we didn't know what the word meant but we trusted each other enough to believe in those three words until it felt more like a problem than satisfaction but you shrugged it off, told me we as we were was fine but i knew deep down that this wasn't love, it was far from love. it was pain, agony, forgiveness that is forced, and i wanted to leave but i loved you so much or at least i thought i did because we told each other this every single day and we knew it was lies that would bite us back harsher than we forced to speak out and you didn't tell me but i know you were seeing someone else while we still sat with space between us in a bed that we made love in but it wasn't love it was just sex and i can't seem to realize why we were so stuck in this cycle of bad habits all because we didn't want to break each other down even though secretly we were.

what we had, it was far from love. 
and i'm sorry i made you think it was anything different.