xxxvii.

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̶ ̶ xxxvii. REUSE, RECYCLE, REATTEMPT TO REVIVE.

because we are bad luck between empty spaces and we try to fill them up with all the gold in the world yet it still turns to silver and you end up shouting at me, saying how it's all my fault until you're kissing me again and your hands are knotted in my hair and we start all over again with a new world in the palm of our hands as the sun rises over the hill and white sheets hold our naked bodies in comfort as if it no longer felt like you smashed my heart the night before.

but just like these empty spaces we force to be full, my vital organ whispers that we have to leave before it's hurt all over again but my head screams causing my temples to pulsate as i lean closer to you who sleeps soundly next to me and the battle doesn't stop until one is so wounded it cries out mercy.

we are a never ending cycle of love and lust and hurt and pain and forgiveness. we don't know when to stop and part of us doesn't even want to because for once in our lives we feel full and heavy and for once we have a meaning in a world full of billions for we both hold each other in closed fists and hope we can control the urge of anger that blossoms every time an apartment door is slammed in our faces.

when your bruised lips meet mine, it feels enchanting, as if we were meant to be together, as if the world had wanted us to learn something from one another and yet here we are, clueless as to why we can't stop this addiction we have for each other and find beauty in the marks we leave in the crevasses strangers can't see.

we hide what we have behind closed curtains and thick walls and my mother wonders why my smile has faded over time and why i don't seem to talk to her as much as i had before you came around.

i wish this monster that had rose from the pits of hell hadn't consumed the innocent infatuation we had. maybe then we wouldn't feel so empty as we connect bruises and blood dried cuts while the clock strikes midnight.

[ my love for you still thrives
even after all the damage
you've done. ]