I'll be home for Christmas

Chapter 40

Chapter 40 - I'll be home for Christmas

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer - this is a work of fan fiction, except for the legends and histories of the Quileute that, of course, belong to them. I pay my respects to their gods.

Thanks to BanSidhe [ruadh sidhe] and Feebes86 for betaing and pre-reading.

The last day of the year was spent in more training, preparations and general anxiety. Josh knew that some of his anxiety came from the feeling that he still hadn't spoken to Sam at any depth. They conversed in pack meetings and that was it. After his apology to Allison, he felt like Sam was next on the list.

Sam was on patrol and Josh knew that, so why was he standing outside of the tiny, neat home with the flower boxes in the windows? Emily. Maybe she could help? He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"It's open," a voice called. It was Emily.

"It's Josh," he said, as he entered the neat and clearly well-kept home. He saw Emily trying to get up from the couch. "Oh, no. Don't get up."

She chuckled. "Truth is- I'm not sure that I can get up. I am a whale with this one."

She did look bigger than she should have at this stage of the pregnancy.

"Is it because it's number three? Or is it lying differently?"

"You know… I think that might be it. His feet are pressing on my spine and his head is out this way." She patted her stomach.

"He?" Josh checked.

"Sam says this one is a boy." She studied him. "So, what can I do for you?"

Suddenly tongue tied, he shrugged; unable to answer her.

She waved at a chair in a gesture for him to sit down. "You ought to know Sam isn't here, so you must have come to visit me. I know you haven't talked to him."

He shook his head.

"But you did try to talk to Allison?"

"Yes." He sighed. "She was still so angry."

Silence.

"And she has every right to be angry."

Emily looked at him, nodded her head and then appeared to look around her own living room.

Josh waited.

"I was at that meeting," she said. "Old Quil said he missed seeing the potential in you."

He nodded, not sure what she meant.

"I asked him later, what that would have been like for you to be struggling with that on your own.

"Oh."

"When Sam phased, because he was the first one, nobody knew what to expect or what was happening or even where he was. He spent two weeks alone in the forest, trapped in the wolf body before he managed to phase back to human. He told me that even then, he did it in his sleep and didn't know how to do it again."

"A baptism of fire… but how does that relate to me?"

"You would have been pretty much the same. Trapped, something happening to you that you didn't understand and you probably didn't want it to happen or know how to stop it."

"Maybe, but I had no fur," he said flippantly.

Emily gave him a serious look. "No obvious physical change might have made it harder to deal with it. If you hold up your hand and see a wolf paw, you know things are different."