The Nerd's Secret (On Hold)

Chapter 19

Alright, I'd like to start off by saying that I'm sorry that it took me like forever and a half to get this chapter out.

That being said, my computer's still not fixed so I have to type this ONCE AGAIN on my phone meaning there will be so much more spelling and grammatical errors.

That also being said, please, enjoy the chapter!

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I wiped off the sweat from my brow as I stared at myself in the my dirty bathroom mirror. I've woken up numerous amount of times during the night and it's only two AM. These stupid nightmares were plaguing my brain instead of the good dreams where I was devouring a chunky chocolate chip cookie that I wanted. No, these were horribly stupid dreams that happened in the past that I wanted to forget about but I can't.

God, I was only twelve years old.

I was only twelve when Cole told–no, yelled at me to lock our little brother in his room because mom and dad were losing it again. I remember it vividly; my mother was throwing her plates at my father while he was whipping her with her belt, screaming at her in Italian. Cole understood it more than I did, the only resource I had was Saturday school that my parents enrolled me into.

Or those times Cole would bring Brady and I into his room at night after we got nightmares or after their fights so we can all comfort each other. I even had that nightmare of the memory when dad came home completely wasted and knocked my mother out cold with his beer bottle because his dinner wasn't hot enough. Cole carried her into his room and let her sleep on his bed while he crawled into mine. I was 11 at the time and my older brother was only 14. It's crazy what we had to go through.

I wiped away a stray tear that fell down my cheek as I continued to stare at my reflection. I loved both my parents. I had to, they were my parents, every child had to love them. But after a while I realised that, even though they are your parents, it doesn't mean what they do is right. It doesn't mean that they're perfect. They were just two people who fucked and got pregnant three times. There's nothing special about that.

Parents are often glamorised to be seen as 'right' because they are 'mature' and have lived longer. After these past years, I've realised that who ever said that was so full of bullshit. As I grew older I've realised, your age doesn't matter, it your past that does. Your past can determine your maturity and your way of thinking way more than your age can.

I wiped away more tears. God, I'm pathetic. I don't even know why I'm crying, I've been through worse, I don't need some old memories breaking me.

I've come to the conclusion that sleep wasn't going to be my friend that night so I decided on choosing my outfit for today. It was going to be a half day at school for me today for a reason I didn't listen to. I walked out of my bathroom and went back into my bedroom.

I looked through the minimal clothing I had in my closet. I chose my best pair of black jeans and decided to burrow one of Anna's sweaters that looked like more of a dress on me than anything.

Fucking hate being five feet tall.

For the rest of the night, I ended up rereading a book that I got a while ago and found some instant coffee that has probably been here for a year and made some coffee to drink while I read in my tiny living room.

=+=

I plopped down face first into her soft pink bed, the sleep I missed last night suddenly taking a toll on me.

"Where's Brady staying?" Anna asks me as I feel the bed dip.

"He's having a sleepover at his new friend's house. Remember the people who just moved in down your block?"

"Yea, the ones who came from the Philippines? "

I readjust myself on the bed so I'm sitting on it. "Mhm, they have a kid named Jansen. He's Brady's age," I inform her before a yawn escapes through my lips.

Her face lights up randomly as she jumps off the bed surprising me. "What are you wearing to the party?" She asks excitedly as she ran over to her closet and started to slide hangers with clothes on them aside. "Did you decide yet or...."

"Im wearing my nice black jeans. You know, the ones with the slit at the knees," I tell her and she nods her head, her eyes still fixated on her clothes. "I was thinking that you could lend me a sweater or something."

"Why do you have to wear a sweater? Why can't you wear something more revealing?" She lets out a laugh. "It doesn't even have to show your skin, why not wear something a little–I don't know–form fitting?"

I let out a humourless laugh. "And why would I blind everyone with my body? I don't have any money to pay their medical bills, you know," I joke.

She lets out a sigh and I could only imagine her rolling her eyes at me. She turns around to face me with an almost unnoticeable frown covering her plump dark red coloured lips.

"You know I would kill for your body," she says sincerely. "God, what I would give to not have a billion pounds of fat covering my bones."

"You don't want my body," I mutter as I pick at my nails on my lap.

"And that's where you're wrong Sar," she basically sings. "I know a lot of people who would want to be skinny."

"Yea the nice kind of skinny with a big ass and bust but not me skinny." I breath out a laugh. "My ass is pure fucking bone and my breasts are basically non existent."

"So?!"

"Oh and not to mention the fact that I literally have no curves. Like fucking zippo nada curves. I'm built like a 9-year-old boy; Literally, I'm just a straight up rectangle!" I barely finished my sentence because I was too busy laughing. I mean, it was a hundred percent true. I did look like a rectangle. The only 'curve' I had was because of my ribs sticking out.

"God, girl you need to learn how to love yourself. It will be a problem taken off of your shoulders." She winks at me before turning back to look for clothes for me to wear.

That's way easier said than done.

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TADA

Okay, I decided to make another filler chapter before the party because I just really wanted the party to be on chapter 20.

If you guys liked this chapter, please vote and comment!

Thoughts?