Pent up

Everything's good.

Instead of calling her, I decide to give Clara a surprise and pay her a visit at her university. I didn't have anything better to do since it would too awkward being in a room with Diego after the fight I had with my -ex? Is that what we were?- I didn't want a lecture just about now.

Since she had a licence and a car, she's the one that visited me, but today I decided to take a cab and visit her for a change, and tell her the news right away.

No more confusion, no more cheating. Just me and her and a happy, honest relationship.

I climb the stairs to her room and stand in front of her door, but I stop, my hand in the door knob, as I hear shuffling and giggling on the other side. I decide to knock instead of entering and everything gets silent inside.

Ok?

Something slams shut and then Clara opens the door, eyes wide and cheeks flushed, a huge smile on her face that looks almost like it hurts. Even if it looked little weird and fake, I embrace her anyway.

"Hey, sunshine" I laugh but she just pats my back and chuckles "I got news"

She motions for me to sit down and I do, as close to her as possible, and take her hand in mine.

She looks away and pales slightly but I make nothing of the hurt look on her eyes and continue. Maybe she is feeling ill.

"I want to have lunch with your parents" Her smile falters a little but in a flash she is smiling just as brightly "I'm not confused anymore and I love you"

Something moves inside her closet, and something falls. She slaps my arm, alarm clear in her eyes "I was putting away my shoes. I guess one must have fallen"

But the weird feeling doesn't leave me as she glances to the set of closed doors.

I was ignoring her over enthusiastic grin and the pale cheeks but this is too weird.

When she told me she was seeing someone, she did say she realized she loved me, but she never said they stopped seeing, right? Just that it happened a month ago...

"Clara" She seems too attentive and jumpy. She's definitely hiding something "If there is someone hiding in that closet I'm not going to be mad"

And it was true. After all, when she... sucked me on the bathroom I had had sex with another person not long ago.

If they met one last time, that was fine by me.

Her face falls and gets even paler, so I stand up and head for the wooden closet that rests against the far wall of her room.

At this, she jumps up and holds me back from opening them "Don't look"

She doesn't dare look me in the eye, her gaze fixed on the tan carpet.

"It's okay, Clara" And it really was. Even with my resolve to stay with Clara, I couldn't deny that I would be happy to still see Cris, after all, you can't go from lover to stranger so fast.

"I don't want you to meet him" The fingers that were placed on my arm gripped tighter, and she was now blushing "We are good friends and he was here just to say goodbye, but I panicked when you knocked. I swear we weren't doing anything... But I don't want you seeing the one who I cheated on you with"

Her words were rushed, and her breathing got labored the longer she talked. She was genuinely telling the truth, or at least I thought so. It felt like she had thought about this beforehand, and it made sense, yet I still opened my mouth to argue, but thankfully she interrupted me and kept explaining herself "Please. I don't want you to get jealous when you see me with him. It's over between us so, please"

I step away, defeated. She's right. I would be mad if I saw her with the one she had the affair even if they stop seeing in that way...
I really don't want to upset her by saying anything stupid, so I just leave the room, signaling to her that I'll wait for her outside, trying to find a quiet spot and settling for sitting on a bench near a fountain.

A minute or two later, she steps out and spots me, walking over, head held high.
"We really are just friends now" she says determined and I sigh.

"I told you it was okay" And it really really was. I wasn't angry or upset. Really. If they were still friends that was fine by me. I cheated on her and she on me so I had nothing to be mad about. If they could get along after what happened I was happy for them. I just wish it was the same with me and- No, he chose to be angry at me. We could have been friends but I guess I hurt him more than I thought.

"You don't seem to be fine with it..."

"It's not you" I let out a sigh as she rubs small circles on my back.

In times like this I really felt like she treated me like a child rather than her boyfriend, but it was natural since she was older than me, even if it was only by one year. Women are just better at being adults I guess.

"I don't know if you want to know this but-" I braced myself for any kind of reaction before continuing. She could flip out and walk away, she could listen to me an comfort me, or she could just break up with me right away. None of those seemed good, as it made me feel like no matter what, it was a very condescending response or a very hypocritical way to look at it, but I continued anyways "My...fling is very recent" Her hands stopped moving but I kept going, oblivious to her suddenly going very still "And as it turns out, the other person was quite...upset about me choosing you over them. I thought we could still be civil, since they are Diego's friends as well but, I made both of them mad. So, I'm a little disheartened to know I lost two friends by being with you"

She kept quiet, maybe processing the given information, while I kept thinking, giving her some space to figure out her thoughts.

"I don't know if I want to be friends with them" Thinking aloud, may I add "The...person; I want to keep being friends with Diego obviously, but the other person I mean. We barely knew each other but I had fun with them -Talking, I mean!- Not... y'know..."

She stood up and kneeled in front of me, a sweet expression coated her features and I felt calmer. She wasn't going to freak out. That's good.

"I think maybe you should patch things up with both of them. You sound like you really liked her, even if not romantically, so trying to blossom a friendship from this mess shouldn't be something so hard to do"
Not condescending nor hypocritical. Just, accepting...

I nodded to this but still, a bad feeling grew in my stomach. I never said it was a man, or woman, yet she thinks is the later. Should I tell her? Maybe it's easier for her to think it's a woman rather than me cheating on her with a man. Or maybe she can't really know it's a man since I never expressed my interest for men. In my defence I didn't know I was interested in men until this year so....
"Apologize to Diego, call this girl over and apologize for the mess, and everything will be back to normal in no time, baby" She places a tender kiss in my forehead and I smile. She's right. How did I get myself such a smart girlfriend "Love you"

I wrap her in my arms and we go back to her room, which was empty this time, fortunately.

We snuggle up on her bed and don't talk for quite a while, that is until I get call from Diego himself.