Pent up

Consequences

When will my life stop being so fucking complicated?

I guess it's my fault for being such a dumbass cheating bastard...

I angrily set my backpack on the ground as I throw myself in a bean bag, sighing as I instantaneously deflate against the cushions.

I should become celibate or something.
Not like little Josh would listen to me...

At some point, both Diego and Cristopher also make their way down, joining a small group of students sat opposite of me.

I recognize them to be Diego's friends, and I search my brain for their names, enjoying the small distraction.

Jessica, Martin, Sean, Eliza, Philip... Don't know which is which but hey! at least I remember them.

Yeah, apart from fucking your roommates best friend and being a general nuisance you are such a good friend.

I scribble a little more annoyed on the notebook that I had open, turning the neat page into a mess, and before I realize most of what I'm writing is illegible.

I could just just turn the page and start again but instead I opt for silently brooding while I doodle.

A round of laughs breaks the comfortable silence everyone was working on, and I look up, searching for the noise, just to see Cristopher talking animatedly and the others in the circle watching him with wide smiles, ready to laugh at whatever he's saying.

How can he be so happy after what just happened upstairs?

I frown, absolutely miserable despite the happy atmosphere in the room.

He leans forward, to whisper something in a guy's ear, -was that Philip, Martin, or Sean?- making him giggle and I narrow my eyes, annoyed.

Oh, so he makes me feel bad just for the sake of it and then he goes ahead and starts flirting with some random guy right after.

I huff and look down at my notebook to find part of the page is a little torn from me stabbing it in frustration.

I spot one of my own friends, Kevin, making his way out of the building, so I throw my stuff in my bag, a little more violently than needed, and follow him out.

Even if I try my best to stay busy, my mind runs in all sort of directions, and as I talk and hang out with my buddy I can't help the heavy feeling that resides in my chest.

I come back to my room as the sun is setting, and the room is quiet as Diego is scrolling through his phone while laying on his unmade bed.

"How did studying go?" He asks.

The statement is a little vague, and spoken with a certain tone that makes me feel uneasy. He's probably heard what happened from Cris himself and I know he saw me run out not minutes after they entered the room, so I wonder what he must think happened.

"Uh, not well. I didn't even finish the chapter" I drop my bag on the usual spot in front of my dresser, and I can feel how his eyes are following me after that response, which probably doesn't answer any of his unspoken questions.

"I noticed. You were a little distracted when we got there"

Is that the game we're playing? Running in circles and tip toeing around the problem? Fuck that.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, Cris told me some pretty heavy shit in the morning, and then I see him all happy and shit"

He probably left to be with that guy, Martin or Sean or whatever, when I wasn't looking.

"Dude" He tipped something on his phone and then sat up as he glanced at me "tell me about it"

He patted the spot next to him.

"Okay" I huff and move to his bed, about to sit down, but stop when I remember the time "It's still early, won't he be back?"

I look around frantically but see no remnants of his stay. No shirts, no shoes...

"Nah. It got a little annoying when Martin wouldn't stop flirting with him so I sent him off"

"You did that?" I raise one eyebrow in both surprise and question, looking back to see his unimpressed glare.

"I'm offended that you don't remember I basically got you two together. Even if it didn't work"

"Ugh, right" my heart clenches painfully at that and I deflate, finally sitting down.

"So you were jealous at seeing them together?"

"No" I scoff, but it feels very real now that Diego says it.

Is it that I'm mad at him for making me feel bad when he clearly doesn't care anymore or... is it jealousy?

"You were, like, clearly very jealous" he laughs, like it's that obvious.

Well, then.

"Okay. And if I am, what's the problem? I liked him, okay? I probably still like him but Clara is an amazing girlfriend and I love her"

"Yeah. I get that. You love your girlfriend blah blah" he scoffs, rolling his eyes, and I frown "The problem is that if it's hurting you I should probably stop him from coming"

Ugh, no!

"He's your friend! I can't make you stop seeing your best friend just because I fucked up" I groan but he quickly takes me by the shoulders and shakes me violently

"You both fucked up, okay!?"

I look at him skeptically

"He's a slut" he looks at me sternly "and he is quite quick to get on anyone's pants, just like he got into yours. I'm telling you this so you don't feel bad because of him being like that, or because of me deciding to not have him over anymore" Diego pushes me to the side lightly and I huff "This has happened before"

"It... has?" I feel like a tiny piece of my heart gets dislodged from its place.

"It has" he smiles apologetically at me "his explanation was that gay guys kinda have to settle with whatever they can find but it really is just an excuse"

Oh

"So don't... let him get you down, okay? He is my best friend but that doesn't mean I have to forgive this awful shitty things he does and neither do you"

Wow... so I'm one of many other guys he has fucked? Was he really just... messing around with me?

I feel sick.

"Well, I have a paper to finish and my study break ended like an hour ago, so" Diego sighs "I'll be downstairs"

I feel sick

What the fuck?

"I'll... sleep" I mutter, but Diego has already closed the door.

Maybe then my brain can stop thinking of him for about five seconds...

God, forget about him

And quick.

___________________________________
So... hi.
I think this is my first authors note, ever?
Geesus.
It was so hard for me to write this chapter like, oh lord, you don't even know.
This is the first time I've spent so long in a single chapter, since I always write two or three and publish them consecutively.
I used to go to Starbucks and force myself to write at least two, but now that I am starting uni and the increasing dread of it has been creeping up on me, it's been almost impossible for me to sit down and concentrate on this.
I love this story; I have never been able to write more than a synopsis for any of my other stories, but because this started as a fun way to spend time when classes where too boring, it evolved into something else and I'm still so excited to come back to it.
I won't ever drop it, but it will take some time to get back to the rhythm I had before...
But guess what! I already have a draft for the next chapter so, yay!