Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 16: Training & Making Friends

Chapter 16: Training & Making Friends

Date: Dauntless Initiation - Phase 1 / Baby Natty is 5 months old

**Four POV**

When I wake up, I don't feel much, but the inside of my head is fuzzy, like it's packed with cotton balls. It must be from exhaustion, Tris and her kid kept me awake for most of the night. Who knew that someone so small could make so much noise? It wasn't just the noise, there is something about the pitch and specific sound of a howling child that sends chills up and down my spine.

I wonder if it is that sound that motivates us to drop everything when there is a child in need. Thankfully, Tris was all over it, and working very hard to comfort her baby. I knew that there was nothing I could contribute. I'm really hoping Tris wasn't lying when she said Natty usually sleeps well, and last night was just a fluke. I also hope, for both our sakes, that Tris will not have nightmares every night.

I groan at the pain that shoots up and down my back. Between lying on the stone floor all night and being kept awake, my body is protesting. I know it is very early by the mixture of light and darkness outside the windows. I quietly get off the floor and begin folding my bedding, relieved that the bed and crib will arrive today. I need my bed back.

As I make my way to the bathroom I see Tris lying peacefully on my bed. I am reminded of the times in Abnegation when I'd slip into her room and find her asleep. I remember the anticipation I would feel before waking her, knowing she would smile and welcome me into her embrace. I remember how much we loved each other.

I feel a sharp pang in my heart, I close my eyes and imagine waking her again. To confess my love for her, to tell her the truth behind what I did. What I did to her. A tiny gurgle grabs my attention, my eyes roam to the small infant sleeping soundly next to its mother. No. The girl that I loved is gone. If I am honest with myself, the boy she once loved is probably gone too.

Tris is who she is, and I am no longer interested in her. She was someone I put on a pedestal. I didn't really know her. My memory of what we had was just an illusion. The proof of that is the small baby lying next to her on the bed, the life she created with someone else.

Beatrice Prior was never really mine. I was just a short chapter in her love life. A boring chapter, at that.

I'm done, just like she is.

++o++

I charge through the empty halls, it is a walk I have made many times before. One of my favorite parts of being an initiation instructor is access to the vial I have hidden in my pocket. Many refer to me as the Dauntless Prodigy...which is a name I hate. It follows me everywhere. You'd think it would be flattering, but the glory does not outweigh the burden. The pressure that follows me, the presumed competition regarding everything I do. Dauntless breeds competition and therefore envy.

I am desperate to run through my Fear Landscape again. My name is now Four, because I only have four fears. Which is unheard of; most people have between ten to fifteen fears.

Tris is back, have my fears changed? I need to find out, and I need to do it now. That's why I am walking through the halls at almost five in the morning. Once I arrive to the Fear Landscape room I quickly set up, my movements swift and purposeful.

I ease the tip of the needle into the tender skin on the side of my neck. A deep ache spreads through my throat. I wait the minute needed for the fear serum to take effect.

o++o+ Four's Fear Landscape +o++o

I am in my own personal hell. It feels like I am trapped in a dream, yet I am unable to wake myself up. I feel the trademark symptoms of fear: sweaty palms, racing heart, tightness in my chest, dry mouth, a lump in my throat, difficulty breathing.