Deceptions & Secrets

Chapter 17: Nanny and Nights

Chapter 17: Nanny and Nights

Date: Dauntless Initiation – Phase 1 / Baby Natty is 5 months old

** Tris POV **

I pace myself as we run our laps. I no longer need to hold back on showing my athletic ability as I needed to in the first few days of training, but I prefer to keep my distance from Peter and his snide, suggestive remarks.

We are now a week into initiation and even with all my work in advance of the Choosing Day, training has challenged me. The first few days were especially exhausting after being up late trying to calm Natty down to sleep, but now she and I are both adjusting well to life at Dauntless. Natty is sleeping much better and adores her daycare teachers, and I have found that while sometimes a little blunt and abrasive, Diana, the daycare director, is really overall a kind and well-meaning woman. I have especially appreciated the flexibility she has offered me, though I am very conscious not to take advantage.

Diana still occasionally asks about Four, and it still irritates me every time. I have seen a lot less of him than I had expected to. In training, he continues to be the harsh instructor, driving us to the breaking point and showing us no sympathy, and it's quite clear that I am just another initiate to him. I don't know why I would have expected any different; he was clear enough two years ago before he left me, I am nothing to him. At night, though, I rarely see him. He has not come home the past five nights in a row, and neither of us has said a word about it. I don't know where he is sleeping; probably hooking up with a different Dauntless slut every night.

Three laps to go. Will and Al lag several yards behind me, and Christina a few more yards behind them. They are the only transfers I have connected with much; Edward and Myra are nice, too, but very much a couple, so they spend less time with the rest of us.

On days that I have training, Natty is left at daycare during lunch. It would be very disruptive for her to be taken out to eat with me and then returned. A couple of days ago Christina convinced Will, Al and me to visit the tattoo parlour instead of the cafeteria. I went just to enjoy their company.

The moment I laid eyes on the tattoo design of a raven I knew I wanted to get a marking that would represent my family, all I have I lost and I have gained with Natty. I get three ravens across my collarbone, flying towards my heart. When I sat down I had intended to get four ravens together, for my parents and two siblings.

And then I thought about Natty's little face. She is not my sister. She is my child now. I asked for the fourth raven to be inked onto the inside of my right wrist, signifying that I would use my hands to defend her until my dying day. I will always fight for her. I will never let anyone find out that Natty is biologically my sister rather than my daughter. I would have to trust that person implicitly, at a level I am not sure I can ever trust in anyone. Ever.

The truth is, I am all too aware that in the eyes of the law... I kidnapped Natty. Marcus has not been convicted of anything, and I stole his baby. Even with the photo evidence of Mother's injuries, I cannot be certain that any part of a legal battle would go my way. If the wrong person got wind of Natty's true parentage, it's very likely that she would be given back to Marcus... and I would live out the rest of her childhood tucked away behind bars, where I could do absolutely nothing to help and protect her. I have no choice but bear the weight of this secret entirely on my own. Even from my friends, no matter how trustworthy they might seem; even from Four, despite the fact that she is his sister, too. After how he treated me on his choosing day, Four no longer deserves my trust, and he hasn't done anything since I arrived at Dauntless to convince me otherwise.