ur sleeping on the couch

stay woke

fifty poems,
fifty suns fifty moons fifty different stars in the sky fifty combinations of the same twenty six letters fifty high heels clicking against fifty wooden floors, fifty poems.
fifty sides, fifty chapters, fifty years have gone by.
i am done with balancing sugar on my tongue for you. maybe it's because you failed that anatomy exam you took for me, despite having my hand in yours the whole time. maybe it's because some of my words were spun on white thread, pages of poetry written just to make you feel better. maybe it's because i know your heart broke a little every time i wrote something that wasn't relevant to you. maybe it's because i put words in my mouth that had no place there; maybe it's because ten poems ago i started off with 'i don't wanna read the romance in my words no more' and ended on a hammock of more white thread- running double meanings under spoiled milk and serving them with a side of cookies (you didn't even notice; or you did, and didn't tell me).
fifty stars have fallen since the beginning, fifty barrels of rotting fruit, fifty tears fifty faces.
fifty truths and fifty cover ups.
---
i don't wanna read the romance in my words no more baby show me the blood show me the gore show me the girl i was before show me the knives i throw show me the cherry cigar smoke show me my cold-frozen-cement heart show me the bitten down bones show me the blurry vision bloodshot eyes yellow teeth a bunch of white lies, baby, show me red.
you're pulling it out of me, baby, pulling out the red and filling me up with yourself.

but i am not supposed to be you, i am supposed to be me

(sunshine and daisies and sparkling white wine filling me up with cotton candy and love.)*

i ain't used to this, baby, but your hollow-point smile's left me battered and bruised and (oh, toto, i don't think we're in kansas anymore!) tasting stardust in my tongue.

(you're left me technicolored and chirping, baby, i'm all smiles and herbal tea.)*

i'm not all smiles and herbal tea, baby, i'm faux caution and anxiety

i don't wanna read the romance in my words no more darlin,

(i wanna scream it from rooftops at five in the morning baby emotions like these deserve to be seen heard tasted and devoured.)*

----
*added in to make you feel better, added in to completely change my emotions to suit your heart.

you did not ask for it, i know, and that's all so much worse. i did this to myself.