ur sleeping on the couch

i through to x

i. i think i'm always going to end up falling in love with you, again and again, like a broken record stuck between the same scratchy lyrics. 

ii. i think i was right when i said it'd be easy for you to love someone else

iii. i know im not always right i just gotta keep going with what ive said because if i dont the world moves a little slower and im terrified that i'll cease to exist the second it stops moving.

iv. i lie about lying because i cant have anyone thinking that i'm a good person. open up to me, ill help you, then ill tell myself that i now know how to tear them apart. i never do. 

v. i run. i run i run i run away from anything from anyone that provides me with happiness, with love. i ran from you because i was scared you were unraveling me slowly, slowly. spent so long building a character for myself and you not knowing it made me realize that it wasnt me. i am working on erasing that character. if you can still love me, minus the bravado, minus the split personalities, please. 

vi. self sabotage is  my favorite song.

vii. you promised you wouldnt let me do this to myself.

viii. i wanted to tell you all this on the first day of school. i wanted to tell you all this and then let you decide if it was over. i didnt say anything. you did. i shouldve said something. 

ix. my ego is what im going to end up choking on.

x. you shouldnt forgive me for any of this. i hope you never do. i hope you build the self love you deserve to have, i hope you're mad at me, i hope you know that you are capable of anything and everything you put your mind to, i hope you fall in love with someone else, i hope they keep you peachy, smiling, living. i hope you look back at me with your head held high. i hope you know youre the best thing that ever happened to me. i hope you know that you made me see a future for myself even when i couldnt picture myself waking up in the morning. i hope you know you made me happy. i hope you know that. i hope you know that.