Start All Over (On Hold)

11. Dear Diary

Shelly's P.O.V.

Dear Diary,

God, I miss my bed. Not even my bed at home, but my bed back at the dorm. I should've just gone home though. Why didn't I go home? My house is like 20 minutes away you're speeding. Oh, I know why-- because I didn't want to hear the "we knew you weren't ready for college" speech from my parents. I am too ready for college, and shame on them for not believing in me. 

I just... Had a minor slip up with my whole living situation, I'm sure it's a common thing. There isn't anything wrong with me. I've never shared a room with anyone else before, and I'm certainly not used to living with someone like Jocelyn.

She's the complete opposite from Mia; polite, sweet, down to earth, and over all caring. I could sit there and talk to her for an hour, and I know that Joss would listen to every single word I was saying. But with my own sister? Mia would cut me off to talk about herself before I even got a syllable out.

The little voice in my head is doing a fair job of letting me know that I mistreated Jocelyn, but I don't want to be the one to come crawling back. If she wanted me back then she would've said something to me over these past two weeks, right?

These past two weeks were the worst. I haven't heard from Brandon since the night of the party, and I'm beginning to really regret everything. Scratch that-- I do regret everything that happened. I promised Jocelyn I would stay with her and then what did I do? I ditched her! Not only did I ditch her, but I ditched her to go lose my virginity on the couch in my sister's sorority house to some guy I had only known for a few hours.

I just wanted it gone though, you know? I hated having this stress of being a virgin and thinking about whether or not I would be in love my first time, or if it'd hurt, or if it'd be romantic. Who wants to be a thirty year old virgin? No one! So I got rid of it. 

Quite literally, I was the one on top and initiated everything. I regret losing my v-card to a total doucher, but I don't regret losing it in general. Mostly, I regret treating my friends the way that I did. 

Yo, fuck Jocelyn for totally bagging Niall. No! Fuck Mia for bagging Liam! I've had my eye on Liam since I first saw those dreamy chocolate brown eyes, and his cute little smile. Also, his biceps are probably bigger than my entire head and according to my sister, the muscles aren't him overcompensating. 

I think I've seen the most of him over the past two weeks than anyone else in our little friend group. Probably because he's over here almost everyday so he can kiss Mia's right butt cheek. Not literally... He's just so whipped, and it's obvious that he's miserable with her. 

Why he stays with her, I have no damn clue but I don't think I've ever been more jealous of my sister in my entire life. Sometimes when she's doing other things around the house, we get to talking and he's such a sweet guy. None of the guys who went to my high school were anything like Liam. And the way he talks about the guys. Actually he calls them "the lads" and it's so cute with his accent.

Sigh.

Thank god, she doesn't know I keep a diary. If she saw this and read it; I'd probably be murdered only to be resurrected and publicly humiliated by her, then murdered again.

I don't think I have anything else to say for now, I never know how to close a diary entry. I'm nineteen years old and I've still got nothing. 

Alright, ta ta for now then.

xoxo,

Shelly