Start All Over (On Hold)

21. Keeping Secrets

Harry's green eyes shone bright in the dim lighting of the alleyway. They were the only part of his face that I could focus on; the only part of his face that showed any emotion. Before I couldn't place what was burning behind his irises, but it was clear to me now.

He was jealous.

But because of Shelly.

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed. The last time I could recall Harry and Shelly interacting was when his milk splashed all over her the day we moved in. 

The boy groaned and leaned back against the side of the building before shrugging his shoulders. "I'm into Shelly," he told me nonchalantly.

My head shook slightly, still in disbelief.

"Since when!?" I asked, my arms crossing over my chest. All the times we had hung out, not once did he say anything to me about Shelly or ask about her. Either was incredibly unobservant, he was incredibly secretive, or it just wasn't true.

"Since I first saw her, okay?"

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" I asked, my voice softening as I went to stand beside him.

"I was just hoping that my feelings for her would disappear since she obviously doesn't have feelings for me. Besides, it's not like I could've done much with how I feel anyways," Harry explained, and anger started to boil inside of me.

"Harry," I started, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze, "I love you guys, but this deal you all made? It's stupid, and I think it's hurting you and Niall more than it is helping you. So what if things got awkward? The awkwardness would go away, but at least we would have the option to explore these feelings."

His curls bounced slightly as he nodded in agreement, but then he quickly shook his head. "It's not gonna happen though, Joss. I'm sorry, I know you like Niall, but it's best if you move on."

I huffed and my lips twisted into a thin line as I pushed myself off of the wall and went towards the door. "This back and forth shit is really getting old. I already have to put up with it from Niall, I won't with you too. It's annoying and exhausting, and I don't want to hear it anymore," I said. There was no hint of anger in my tone, just defeat.

Without a last look at Harry, I opened the door and went back inside the club. The once muffled noise of the music was now clearer and amplified. I nearly had to cover my ears with my hands to shield them from the volume. 

My eyes took a moment to adjust to the darker lighting, colors flashing everywhere.

"Joss," Niall's voice said in my ear, and he gently turned me around to face him. "What happened out there? Are you okay?"

The worried frown set on his forehead made me smile, because with a simple nod of my head to answer his question, it was set smooth in a second.

"I kind of just want to go," I replied loud enough so he would be able to hear me.

"Okay, we can go grab a cab-"

"Niall," I quickly cut him off. "If you really want us to just be friends, then I can't be alone with you right now. Or anytime soon really. So if you and Harry really want to keep this agreement going then I need space."

Just like I didn't look back at Harry, my eyes didn't shift to Niall's face as I finished my sentence, instead I went straight to searching for Shelly.

If he was hurt by what I said, I didn't want to know. It would just hurt me more than having to say that did.

Hastily, my body slipped past other people crowded onto the dance floor. Being sober in a club wasn't very fun. Everyone was sweaty and didn't care if they bumped into you or stomped on your foot. The heat of the building was making moisture start to bead up on my forehead and my want to go back to the dorms for the sake of solace was only increased.